Elite Squad: The Enemy Within is essentially The Wire: Rio. It's basically a condemnation of the political system in Brazil's former capitol told via an action movie. However, the action seems more documentary style; it is not glorified like in most American action films. Here, the action is an ends to a means or just a face of the matter. Part of me would like to see an American remake but I know that the action will be amped up and the story will be watered down. The first Elite Squad film is much more of an action film although, if you haven't seen it, don't worry, there's no need to see that movie in order to understand the goings on of the sequel.

And while the film is like The Wire in Rio, which is a huge positive, the negative is that it's The Wire in Rio... in two hours. I feel like this film could have been an amazing mini-series or full TV series but so much is condensed into the movie run time that you don't get the full effect of everything. The film is narrated by the lead character and he has to explain much of the goings on whereas we could actually be able to see the political machine in action had this been a full TV series.

If you're looking for a kick ass action film with crazy set pieces like Fast Five, this is most certainly not what you're after. What it is, however, is kind of a thinking man's action film that albeit rushed at points because it's bitten off too much to really chew in 2 hours, is an entertaining film and one that doesn't let anyone, left or right, off the hook. I'd definitely recommend checking it out some time.

Posted by SoulHonky at 08:36 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

"Fright Night" is the kind of film that would have been better served as a rip-off rather than a remake. Because you could sort of sense that the makers of the film had an interesting spin on the Vampire next door concept but also felt compelled to keep in a lot of the elements of the first film and had a tough time doing it. Perhaps the most jarring part of the film though was that it basically didn't have a first act. You immediately launch into the gore and the discovery that the neighbor is a vampire. While they do work in the best friend better than the original did (and I have to confess, I can barely remember most details of the original), it's basically dealt with in one scene. Evil Ed appears in about three scenes total. They either needed to boost up that story or just get rid of him completely because he didn't really add much to the film. The one thing Christopher Mintz-Plasse does add though is some moments of fun. Which is the biggest problem with the film and with most 80's remakes - they just don't have fun with it. They are too serious. This film at least broke free of the Meta Era annoyance of people all knowing the kind of movie they're in but not really reacting to the fact that they should know better (Scream, which kicked off this era, is still one of the only films to pull this off successfully) but it still didn't let itself have much fun. And since it didn't go all the way into being a scary movie, it kind of lived in an odd mix of not exactly ominous but not having much of a good time with it as it could have.

Starting with the second act hurts the film as it basically rushes so quickly into everyone knowing that the neighbor's a vampire (and people inexplicably not showing the evidence they have) that it bumps along pretty awkwardly. On a side note, why wouldn't anyone just call the cops and hold a mirror up to the guy or throw some Holy Water on him or push him into an uninvited doorway or the million other things that can show the dude is a vampire?)

Thankfully the movie picks up in the second half and has some cool moments and salvages itself as an entertaining enough but definitely mediocre film. Anton Yelchin is solid in the lead role although Imogen Poots kind of steals the show (mostly because she's real purty.) Farrell is understated and solid but I don't think he's as great as a lot of the critics said. As I noted before, he doesn't seem to have a lot of fun. He's an understated vampire and cool but, no pun intended, he could have vamped it up a little. Toni Collette is completely wasted as the mother. She must have gotten a nice paycheck for this one because there is really no reason to have someone of her talents in the role. Perhaps the weakest link was Craig Gillespie's direction. I'm happy that he's no longer attached to Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies because he didn't bring anything to the film, visually or stylistically. He comes off as a TV director in this one, making all of the safe and easy choices, not doing much to amp up the fear factor of the scenes.

in the end, I'd just wait for HBO or Showtime or whatever it's on for this one or just watch the old Fright Night, which is better. While this movie is decent enough, there's really no reason to check it out. It's a middling and completely forgettable entry into the vampire genre. Especially with Let the Right One In is on Netflix Instant, there are better options out there.

Posted by SoulHonky at 08:01 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

I thought of this title a while back and, sadly, thought it kind of related to my life since I'm not really actively working towards my goals or bettering myself. I'm kind of putting along. But since that's not a very filmic existence, I tried to figure out better ways to use the title. An environmental doc? A bitter look at people stuck in a loveless marriage? Still super depressing. It's a pretty good noir title; a down and out private detective lost his girl and his will to live but he still helps out the poorest in the city and is willing to fight The Man because he doesn't care if he lives or dies. Although it would probably have to be a comedy because who wants to watch a drama about a guy that depressed (unless he gets to bang Elisabeth Shue in Las Vegas, I guess.)

I kind of pushed aside that title but thought of it again while going through my list of titles and possible ideas and thought it could make a decent fake vlog. I could pretend to be a guy who has kind of given up and decided to do one thing that I had no intention of doing for a day or a week and report on it. I could shoot little scripted snippets of how the week/day turned out. I could be racist for a week. I could follow the Bible for the day. I could be gay for a week. I could be a hipster. It'd kind of be an anti-bucket list but would basically be a reason to go off on short comic riffs about things. I think it would be pretty easy to produce (mainly just me talking into my computer camera with some small snippets of footage of me (pretending of course) to try the things. I think it could work. Although the more I think about it, the PI thing strikes me as a cool idea. A guy willing to take on all comers because he doesn't care about himself. I doubt I'll invest the time on the vlog thing (and don't know if I could come up with funny bits about that much stuff) so I might work on writing a pilot for the noir drama.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

While I'm disappointed by Van Halen's new album (although I'm not sure what I should have been expecting from them as this point in their careers), I never get tired of old stories from the good ol' days of VH. One of the legends of Van Halen was that they wanted M&Ms in their dressing room but that there could not be any brown M&Ms. While that was also passed off as rock star decadence, David Lee Roth explains the rationale behind that being in their contract.

Brown M&Ms from Van Halen on Vimeo.

Posted by SoulHonky at 09:44 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

The long awaited (well, by me and some other people) premiere of "Awake" is here and I have to say that it didn't disappoint. I can't say that it's a lock for my weekly TV viewing schedule (which is fairly light right now) but the interesting premise was handled well and there seems to be a lot left to uncover. My biggest question going forward is how well are they going to tie in the police procedural aspect to the show? Because in the pilot, the case was solved ridiculously easily and if they don't delve deeper into the cases, it's going to fall flat. I also think the relationship between the tennis friend (in the life where the wife died) has happened a little too quickly; I think they could have taken more time to develop what seems to be an obvious, "Is it cheating if my wife is dead in this reailty?" morality question. So while this is a show that could come off the rails (and word around the campfire is that production had to stop for a bit for them to figure out exactly what they were doing, storywise), I'm still eager to see the next few episodes. Below is the pilot episode via Hulu. The show premieres on NBC on March 1st.

As for NBC's other big show "Smash", I watched a bit but I just didn't care about people making a musical. I think this is one of the things that the musical is missing (especially on TV). Glee is about a singing team. Smash is about a musical. Why not make a musical that's not just about people singing. I mean, are people STILL stinging that badly from Cop Rock? They can't make a relationship sit-comusical? Maybe tie in some modern musical styles? Go for a ten episode season? I don't know; most people I know spend a lot of time watching videos on Vevo, I don't think it should be too hard to convince them to watch a show that might put video style scenes into a genre show that they already watch (ala a sit-com or relationship drama.) I'll add that to my growing list of scripts I'll probably never write/finish.

Posted by SoulHonky at 09:34 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

I've been struggling to find new music but former Tryout/rising stars Fitz and the Tantrums gave the band Haim a shoutout so I decided to go with them. Their first song sounds like if WIlson Phillips came up in the 90's and had more of a rock influence than pop. If you want to download their EP, click below.

The songs show promise even if I'm not completely convinced quite yet. And since I couldn't really find any YouTube videos for Haim, I'm going to plug my buddy Trey Green's new band The Hang (or actually, his old band with a new name.) Here's the first single off of their forthcoming album Playola. You can download it at their very own web page.

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:43 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

I still need to finish the redux of my superhero pilot but I think I've finally come up with another project to work on (and probably never really finish.) The new idea was somewhat inspired by Safe House because I thought, hell, I could write a pretty standard action movie.

So my idea is that there's a secret military wet works team that operates solely within the US. They are the domestic Seal Team Six and they are constantly thwarting terrorist attempts. When shit gets real, these guys get the call. They are either under a shadowy branch of the government and don't answer to anyone or they are a privately run group. Haven't figured that part out yet.

Anyway, the government is becoming wary of the team and believes that one of the members may be selling secrets or dealing with foreign operatives. So when a call comes that there could be a dirty bomb attack in the US, the government puts a NY city cop in with them to keep an eye out and try to figure out who the traitor may be. Basically, the government wants the Guardian Devils to find the dirty bomb but they don't want said bomb to get in their hands, if one of them is rogue.
The cop angle is tough and I'm still working on that but I think she gets involved with them by arresting of the them during one of their missions or she is chosen because the various government agencies can't agree on which of their people to send in so they compromise and opt for the overqualified cop to go in.

Not the MOST logical thing in the world but, let's be real, action movies don't need to be. Also, I don't want to make another "The government turns on their elite force" movies but I think a dissension in the ranks type approach hasn't been as common of late. Also, I think the idea of the military working within our own borders is a topic that is starting to become more newsworthy and it's something that is ripe for portrayal on the big screen.

And what is most surprising to me is that, besides a Daredevil video from 8 years ago, the title "Guardian Devils" hasn't been used before.

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

Or "How A Bloody Stool Enlightened Me to the Ways of the Conservative"

Warning: This post is pretty much the epitome of TMI.

On Friday, I had a revelation. It happened in the bathroom. As I was pooping, I looked down into the water and noticed a red tint. I got up a bit to get a full view and noticed that the middle of the toilet was a bloody bright red. Obviously, something was not right. But what happened next woke me up to The Right. I suddenly felt a kinship with the conservative way of thinking.

The thing that shook me was that after President Barrack Obama put forth a health care reform so revolutionary that it cost him control of the Congress and might still cost him a second term; after he risked his political future so that there'd be health care coverage whenever I had a medical issue, my response to my own personal medical issue was to sit back down, pull out my phone, and go to WebMd.com. I'm sorry but I think there is something to be said about that. There's something to be said about people like me who might not really deserve my fellow's taxpayers money to keep me healthy. I eat like crap, I don't exercise, and when my ass is bleeding I take the path of least resistance and even less effort. It's hard to me to think that my neighbors should potentially foot the bill for my long term care when my own personal first line of defense is to google, "BLOOD WHEN POOP."

But questioning Obamacare wasn't where it ended. Once I got to WebMD, I got the standard You're going to die-agnosis. I believe it was something like I had a cancerous tumor in my colon and said tumor had lupus.
Now, this is the beauty of the internet. Because if this had happened 20 years ago, I would have had to call or search out probably three people (who would have told me to go to urgent care or at least call my own doctor) before I stumbled upon the one knucklehead who said, "Ah yeah, it's probably nothing. Don't worry about it. Just wipe enough so you don't bleed through your trousers." To which I would reply, "Yeah, that's what I was thinking," and go back on my merry way. But with the internet, I just have to scroll down the google search result until I find the answer that I'm looking for. Quick and clean (in other words, the opposite of my bowel movements that day.) So after not liking the WebMD response and not being thrilled with the synopses from other medical sites, I settled on Yahoo Answers to ease my worry. I went to a place that didn't even pretend to have credentials or people who actually could be trusted. I listened to the diagnosis of Butterworm91 or something. And it set me at east. And I went back to work.

This is how the majority works. When you wonder how people can ignore experts and scholars in favor of loudmouths who just say what the people want to hear, even if it isn't true or in the people's best interest, they were thinking what I was thinking. People don't want to know what is wrong, they want to know it'll be alright. And it'll be alright without them having to actually do too much or make any sacrifices. In the bathroom of life, liberals would be someone in the other stall, nosing in and telling me everything that could be wrong and how, even if none of those things were actually wrong, why I should change my life to prevent the things from going wrong. Conservatives, meanwhile, are the warm glow of Yahoo! Answers, potentially leading me astray but telling me what will make it easier for me to make it through the day. I often look at conservatives and think they're as dumb as shit but when I looked at my own bloody stool, I was struck dumb myself.

And this is the lesson that liberals have to learn. When faced with their own issues and their own mortality, people want to hear first and foremost how things are going to be OK. They don't want to hear how we're going to hell in a handbasket and that they are part of the reason why. You need to take the truth and dress it up so that people who are tired from working all day and aching from the fact that they're just going home so they can wake up to go back to work like what they here. Liberals seem to recognize that we all think childishly at times but they never handle the voters with kid gloves. Ironically, the type of blunt, tough love parenting that they'd probably shake their heads at when it comes to actual children, is how they treat the voters that they think are childish.

But if there's a big difference between my reaction and the majority groupthink, it's that most of the issues don't personally affect people like my crimson feces did myself. For the People, it's a lot easier to push away what's really true. It's one thing to not want to hear the truth about something that you're dealing with directly but when it's something that is kind of out of your hands and only impacts your life tangentially, people are going to be far less likely to embrace the ugly truth, especially when a perky half-truth is dancing around right next to it.

Be it anuses or the Presidential race, people want comfort, even if it means not engaging with the cold hard facts. This is the lesson I learned in the bathroom, and one that I hope President Obama and his people take to heart. If that makes any sense. Which it might not. Admittedly.

EDIT: I wrote this last night when I was under the influence of a little alcohol and a lot of Louis CK but I think there's something here so I'll post it. I could work on it more but, honestly, I don't really want to invest more time on a post about my bloody stool. The only thing that could be worse than me spending such little time on the diagnosis of my bleeding butt would be for me to instead spend the time on a blog post about it. But, honestly, such is my life.

Oh, and I'm better. Bleeding-wise. It seems. Clearly the bigger issue is rattling around in my head.

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

Daily Motion has the new international trailer for Ridley Scott's not-but-kind-of prequel to Alien, "Prometheus". It's one of the trailers that I won't watch because I already know I'm going to see this movie but I thought I'd share.

EDIT: Apparently, this is no different from the domestic trailer. In fact, it might even show less.

Posted by SoulHonky at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

I haven't been doing a good job of keeping my links section up to date but here are a couple of new ones.

My brother put me onto Yelping with Cormac, a site that is kind of a creative writing process in which a person is writing Yelp reviews as if they were Cormac McCarthy. The writer is impressive and some of the reviews, particularly the Apple Store are downright poetic. Although so far, my favorite might be the first review of Taco Bell which includes the thought, "Could God create a taco so bad that even He couldn't eat it?"

I'm sure I've posted this before but Flickchart is a fun time. It ranks your favorite movies based on head-to-head matchups. Some ridiculously easy (Anything versus Chain Reaction or Salt) and some quite difficult (Beverly Hills Cop vs. Lethal Weapon). It takes a while to get a legit ranking but it's a great time waster.

And I'd like to thank my buddy Ted for putting me onto The Horrors. An interesting sound although I have to say that I'm dying trying to figure out why I've heard their song "Still Life" or what it sounds like. Part of me thinks it might be The National but I'm not sure. Anyway, it's a cool song and if Ted gives a band a thumbs up (and he's currently addicted to their new album) then it's worth a listen.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

Well, this solo is awesome, no matter what day. Friend of the Honky and former & future Tryout Trey Green is back with his new band The Hang and they've got an album coming out soon. Here's a snippet of a pretty great guitar solo by Jon Sosin. The album will be out in a few weeks.

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

...a dedication to the lost and unrequited of my life.
(Sappy? Yes, but I'll take any excuse to play this song.)

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

Because I'm not that interested in this one, I checked out the trailer. I'm tired of slow motion action shots so much of this trailer, although cool looking, didn't win me over. Also, the final shot is hopefully there for a laugh because that's the reaction it's going to get.

I think this one has a tough road to make much money. It's got a tough premise to sell, will feel some backlash (unfairly) because of Cowboys and Aliens, and it's opening against Pixar's Brave and in the middle of Prometheus, GI Joe: Retaliation, and Spiderman. It's going to need to make its money opening weekend and it seems like a movie that would need word of mouth to make a profit. If I was the studio, I'd probably move it to the end of August or maybe out of the summer completely. Halloween or as a February release (for Presidents Day/Lincoln's Birthday) might have been a better option.

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

Before going to see "Safe House" I checked a few reviews and kind of chuckled at how some people knocked the film down a peg because it was "standard". What did they expect? Had they not seen the trailers? The movie looks like a straight forward, turn your brain off, action movie.

After seeing the movie, I came out thinking, "Man, that film was so standard..." And, honestly, that says more about me than it does the film. Even when I know I should turn my brain off, I just can't help myself and keep the engine running. So while I can say that I wouldn't exactly recommend "Safe House" to everyone, I can say with pretty good confidence that people who have the capability to go in, shut down completely, and just enjoy the ride will have a blast in this film.

The first reason I'm confident that the film hits its target audience is obvious: Denzel. It's been a few years since he's got to flash the full Denzel (most of his recent roles have been more working man Washington) and here he lets loose but, as Denzel has mastered, lets his personality take control of scenes seemingly without effort. Denzel says more with a look than most actors can get across in a full page monologue and it's one of the reasons the audience hangs on his every move. This isn't the greatest performance of his career (obviously) but it's a nice example of Denzel being Denzel.

The other strength of the movie was the direction. Yes, it does seem like Daniel Espinosa went to the Tony Scott School of directing and there are some moments when his scenes embody the Cinema of Chaos (so many cuts that you can't really know what's going on or get the geography of the scene down) but more often than not, Espinosa showed you visually what you needed to know and his high octane approach wasn't haphazard. Whereas Scott's "style" is often pointless, here the editing and shooting style helps maintain the intensity (that, unfortunately, the script doesn't always deserve.)

Then there's Ryan Reynolds. I don't want to say Reynolds wasn't good because he certainly wasn't bad (honestly, he was solid) but he just didn't bring the role to life. And while there's no shame in getting shown up by Denzel Washington, I hope that Reynolds learned a lesson from Denzel and brings more than what's on the page to the screen. Reynolds's Matt Weston was a fairly bland character and Reynolds played it fairly blandly. Denzel's Tobin Frost claimed, "I'm already in your head" and, if he really was, he'd probably have heard an echo. And while I won't say it's entirely Reynolds's fault for not having a memorable performance, I will say that this is why he's not a movie star. Even when movies stars disappear into a role, they own it. You can't see anyone else playing that role. Reynolds never does that. In this case, halfway though the film, I couldn't help but think that this role would have been perfect for Mark Wahlberg (well, I might not have bought that he went to Yale Law, and Mark might be a little old for it now but still...) - a nice guy who is in over his head and has to think fast to get the job done/stay alive. While Reynolds is good as the nice guy in over his head roles in romantic comedies, for some reason he just doesn't make it work for me in action films.

As for the story, as I noted, it was completely standard. Although one thing that kind of bothered me was the fact that they kept flashing the time up on the screen. This was not a movie that had time pressure. There was no "We have to get there by this time or else!" element. In fact, at one point, the goal is actually to kill time. I'm not sure if the producers wanted to make sure people knew that this was all happening over the course of one day or what but it was kind of a clunky device that didn't really have much purpose in the film. And in the end, I just felt like the bigger picture wasn't worked into the smaller action well enough. At times, it almost felt like the "Who gave up the info on the Safe House" storyline was part of a different movie. It was never really made to be much of an issue and I think the movie would have been better without it and had just focused itself as a straight forward Predator-style Running to Stay Alive and Nothing More type movie.

So despite all of the words I just typed up about "Safe House", this is one of those movies that people don't really need reviews for. If you think you'd like it, you most likely will. If it doesn't look like your cup of tea, it won't win you over.

Although who will win you over is Ryan Reynolds's girlfriend in the movie, Nora Arnezeder. Just beautiful.

Posted by SoulHonky at 06:11 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

This week, some critics were celebrating the death of the death of creativity when Universal Studios aborted their partnership with Hasbro and dumped any future projects from the companies collection of toys and games. But the problem with this way of thinking is that it is ignores that Universal dumping Hasbro (and having to pay a substantial financial penalty to do so) is just another symptom of the bigger problem. While some pundits think, "Yeah! Now we'll get more original movies!", the reality is that this just shows how far away from consistent quality original movies Hollywood's fallen. How can you expect a company that couldn't even figure out a way to work a Ouija board into a horror movie to be able to come up with something wholly original?

True, Hasbro's toys aren't the easiest to translate to film, however, seeing the creative license given to "Battleship" (unless I actually have been playing it wrong all of these years or was missing the spaceship pieces from my game), it seems like they should have been able to conjure up some sort of storylines for their other games.
Here are just a few that I thought might have filled out the six (I believe) picture deal and could have helped Universal avoid paying a massive penalty for backing out of the deal.

Ouija: As noted above, I'm really not sure how they couldn't find a way to work this one into a horror film. Or into a teen comedy about a kid who suddenly has all the answers to life (and he learns a valuable lesson that it's not just what you know but how you're able to put that knowledge to use.) Hell, just remake Ghost and toss in a Ouija board into Whoopi Goldberg's character's hands (and, maybe, into the pottery scene if Hasbro wants to try to push a new Erotic Ouija board.) Any way you slice it, finding a way to put something that cryptically tells the future into a movie shouldn't have been too difficult. This one should have written itself.

Mousetrap: A game that was basically about a race in which players tried to avoid getting trapped by their opponents. In other words, The Running Man. Or switch things up a bit and it's a kind of Hunger Games ripoff. If you want to get less literal, you could make it a heist movie with multiple groups of con men vying for the same heist, tripping up their opponents while trying to secure whatever the MacGuffin might be. Again, there are countless filmic options for this one; it too should have written itself.

Risk: It's about world war. Really? Universal couldn't have figured out a way to make a movie out of this one? Hell, it Battleship does well, just make the sequel on land and call it Risk! Or they could have added zombies, vampires, werewolves, what have you instead of aliens this time around. If they rush it out, Risk could be the National Treasure to World War Z's The da Vinci Code. Odds are though that Universal was probably thrown off by the fact that this was a strategic war game and the plans might have to make sense and they couldn't just blow shit up and how people don't notice how little sense the story actually makes. Still, this one, you guess it, should have written itself.

Magic: The Gathering: I have to confess that while I've heard of Magic: The Gathering (usually as a punchline/reference in a joke about someone being a nerd) I don't really know much about it. But here's what I do know: it's about people fighting... with magic. COME THE FUCK ON, UNIVERSAL! How can you not figure out a way to make wizards fighting into a movie that people want to see? It's not going to make Harry Potter money but there's something there. Again, not getting this done says more about Universal's brain trust than it does the silliness of the idea that Hasbro's toys could be good fodder for movies.

Clue: Now Universal's not even trying. This one was ALREADY a movie (and a cult classic at that.) Clue is the kind of movie that I think should be remade. It wasn't a huge success and, admittedly, had its flaws, but the general premise was strong and I could see Team Apatow or Team Wain (or, ideally, Team Coen) putting together version of this. Or, if the execs are fired up about Downtown Abbey, you can make it an old fashioned honest-to-goodness murder mystery. (Or you could set it in modern day, if that's your druthers.) Murder mysteries have kind of disappeared from the Hollywood landscape and it might be time to bring them back. Clue would be a nice jumping off point.

Candyland: If there ever was a game that screamed for an animated movie, it's this one. Just start with an Alice in Wonderland or Willy Wonka rip-off and go on from there. And, again, tie-ins could be huge if you can make some Candyland treats for the kids to spend their parents' money on.

Monopoly: Universal hired Ridley Scott for this one but they should have given it to Shawn Ryan, who has made a living off of crooked real estate storylines (see The Shield, Terriers, and Chicago Code.) Hell, just make Terriers: The Movie and call it Monopoly since that show had a few of the main parts of Monopoly (real estate deals, going to jail, chance, etc.) If Ryan isn't available, just look at the many movies based around people trying to raise money to save some piece of real estate that they love (usually it's a store or a church or a house) for inspiration. What makes me nervous is that I could see studio execs going to cheesy with it; I can already see a movie about kids banding together to save their favorite park or their friend's home and then having the trailer end on some cheesy line like, "You own all of this, but you don't have a Monopoly on love!"
Yeah. Don't do that.

Admittedly, things get a little hairier from here on in but I believe that the deal was only for six movies and with Battleship already in the can, Universal just had to poop out five of those six easy ideas to get out of the deal. But, if for some reason Universal wanted more of a challenge, there's always...

Jem: Jem was about a record executive who was living a secret life as a rockstar Jem who, somewhat inexplicably, had some piece of amazing technology that two rival bands were trying to get from her. Not quite sure why they wanted it or, if it was so important, the government didn't want to get its hands on it but either way, the basic premise is kind of a grown up Hannah Montana, except instead of Billy Ray Cyrus as a dad, this one had Jem taking care of foster kids.

This one is a tougher sell since not many people remember Jem but I think you can make a Blues Brothers-style musical with a popular singer in the lead (be it Lady Gaga, Nikki Minaj, whoever.) I think having a musician in the lead is important since selling music and seeing the performance is important in this one. It needs to be more Stomp the Yard/Step Up than Josie & the Pussycats. But if you work this right, you could sell soundtracks and songs on top of bringing in a probably modest box office draw.

M.A.S.K.: I remember getting toys for this GI Joe meets Transformers rip-off but, for the life of me, I can't really remember what it was all about.

That video isn't helping the ol' memory banks.

Still, the idea of soldiers with masks that give them powers and they have bikes that transform into cool shit seems like the kind of premise that could easily become a medium-budgeted tween boy movie. It could be a straight GI Joe rip-off or maybe some kids find the masks and have to fight evil invading adults to save the day (Maybe they can take the Red Dawn remake that seems to have disappeared and add some masks to it and voila!) Also, Universal made Adjustment Bureau, about guys with powerful fedoras so I don't see why superpowered masks would be such a tough sell.

Lincoln Logs: Some smart-ass kids get sent back to pioneer times and have to learn to use their wits instead of wi-fi to save a kindly blind man and his beautiful daughter's ranch. Not sold? Starring Jaden and Willow Smith. CHA-CHING!

So there you have it. An hour of spit-balling and I found a way to make some solid and potentially quality movies out of the Habro/Universal deal. The execs at Universal spent four years and could only muster "Battleship". I'm not sure if they just rushed into every project before thinking it through and ended up with a bunch of scripts that they hated (to be fair, I'm not sure how you turn Stretch Armstrong into a movie. Being super stretchy just never seemed like much of a draw to me) or if the Hasbro deal was always seen as a backup plan; someone to co-finance movies for them in case they could think of enough fodder for the cineplexes.

Regardless, the fact that in four years a major studio couldn't find more than one Hasbro toy that they could make a good movie around is a bigger sign of the death of creativity out here in LALALand than it is a signal that a new day of original films could be on the horizon.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:18 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

Still trying to keep up my moratorium on watching trailer but that doesn't mean my five readers can't be kept up on the latest and greatest previews. So here it is, the new trailer for The Bourne Legacy.

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

OK, this isn't the best commercial but it's pretty funny and it's even funnier because it was, for some reason, only shown in Nebraska.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

I think the evidence is clear.

The Patriots disappointing Super Bowl, lowlighted by a Wes Welker drop.

The Red Sox implosion.

The ill-fated Kendrick Perkins trade (and Jeff Green subsequently being out the year with a heart condition) combined with LeBron hitting impossible shots to down the C's in the playoffs.

So... Which one of you Bruins fans sold Boston's soul for a Stanley Cup?

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

Don't know much about Animal Kingdom but this single isn't too bad; kind of reminds me a bit of a more electric version of Freelance Whales.

Posted by SoulHonky at 06:12 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

The best part of declaring Super Bowl Sunday as the new New Year's Eve is that when your team disappoints in the game and loses, you can immediately put it behind you and start the new year fresh. Anyway, it was a lackluster Super Bowl with an even more lackluster halftime show but the Giants proved that they really do have the Patriots' number. A few other random thoughts...

After watching the trailer for "Battleship", I'm starting to wonder if I haven't been playing the game correctly all this time. Was my game missing the alien spaceship pieces? Personally, that trailer made me think that an exec was beat his son in a game of Battleship, the kid through a hissy fit and smashed the board with his alien spaceship toy, and that's how the summer blockbuster was born.

While watching Madonna lip-sync wasn't my cup of tea, I do have to say that the tightrope guy was cool and she had arguably the best stage I've seen in Super Bowl history. MIA flipping the bird the lamest attempt at being rebellious in recent memory. Really? You're going to act tough while singing that corny ass song that basically felt like an affirmation tape someone made for Madge. Flipping the bird doesn't change the fact that MIA was filling the shoes that Xtina and Brittany Spears held a decade ago. Make waves by saying something, not by tossing out an empty rude gesture.

There has been a lot of talk about the Patriots missing a deep threat but after watching this season, I'm starting to wonder if Tom Brady might also be part of the issue. He's been underthrowing a number of the deep balls of late.

My friend Will made a great call, saying that maybe Brady is going for the reverse Elway. Instead of putting up great stats and not winning the big one until late in his career, Brady got rid of the rings at the start and is now in the "Nice stats on the way to losing the big game" part. Which, unfortunately, means that Pats fans will have to suffer through two more Super Bowl losses.

I don't like to kick a fan base when they are down (and Chargers fans have to be down since Norv Turner, the worst coach in the NFL, is back) but I think it's time to wonder if Eli could have helped overcome the negative that is Norv and gotten that talented Chargers team to the Super Bowl. Philip Rivers's legacy right now is that the Chargers dumped Drew Brees to hand him the job and (granted, by no fault of their own) traded Rivers for Eli Manning.

How inbred is too inbred? Peyton has gotten a lot of commercials; will we finally see Eli getting more love from Madison Avenue?

Why do some foreign bands not make their albums available globally? The Maccabees latest album doesn't appear to be available for download here in the US and the same goes for Various Cruelties latest single (and my guess is that their album probably won't drop here the same time it does in the UK.) I'm not sure if making US fans wait is a great idea; not sure what they get out of it, except a few more bucks from the die hards who'll shell out the 20 or 30 dollar price of an import CD.

Posted by SoulHonky at 08:57 PM | Permalink | Comments ()

Let's be real, declaring a new year while in the middle of football season really doesn't make sense. How are people supposed to really stick with their resolutions when the specter of the Super Bowl is looming over them. True, if you're a Redskins fan, January 1st is probably a good time to realize that the season is over for you (and probably has been for a month or so) and to abandon all hope. But for everyone else, the best time to kick off the New Year is after the Super Bowl, after which your Sundays are open and your Monday nights are free. So I'm declaring today the real New Year's Eve (where a dropped ball is not something you hope for or cheer about, well unless it's the opponent who is dropping the pass.)

So Happy New Year's Eve!

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:43 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

From the opening shot of "Chronicle", you pretty much know how the entire movie is going to unfold. You don't necessarily know all the details but you can guess the path the film is going to take, especially with its main character. So while the film was entertaining enough and a good way to spend two hours, I can't say that I wasn't a bit disappointed by how standard the story was. One of the reasons for this, of course, was the way the story was told.

"Chronicle" is the latest entry in the found footage genre and while you definitely have to suspend your disbelief a bit in terms of "Why is he still shooting this?" or "What kind of portable lighting package does he have to get such crisp images all the time?", I found that it wasn't too distracting. In fact, I thought what they did with the found footage approach during the final fight scene was very interesting and it heightened the final battle. Unfortunately, before that, the approach constrained more than it complemented. Throughout the film, I couldn't help but wish that they'd break from the found footage approach and give us a quieter character moment or something to help expand the characters behind the standard archetypes. Alas, that wasn't to be.

But, again, I don't want to poo poo the problems too much because the film was still enjoyable and a good way to kill two hours. I wouldn't urge people to rush out and see it in the theaters right now but I'd say it's worth checking into if you have the time or, at least, you should toss it onto your Netflix queue for the future.

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments ()

I've been slacking on the old blog of late (wish I could say it was because I've been overachieving in the real world but, sadly, that's not true) and this post isn't what I would have hoped it would be but when I think about it more, I'm not sure why I would spend more time improving the post about one of the worst years in film that I can remember. Just a terrible year with very few quality films and not even that many strong performances. So without further to do or ado, here are the 2011 SoulHonky Movie Awards.

Movie I liked More than Others: Margin Call
This year didn't have a bad movie that charmed the pants off of me like "Morning Glory" did last year. The closest I could really come up with was Captain America or Thor but a lot of people enjoyed both of those movies and they weren't necessarily "bad" as much as they were just pedestrian. However, I wil readily admit that Margin Call might not be for everyone but I still think it's a movie everyone should see. I think more people need to see how these corporations really work and how it's often about people saving the corporation, even to their own personal detriment.

Best Monologue: Paul Bettany - Margin Call
A lot of people were most impressed by Stanley Tucci's monologue but I felt like that was more impressive as a piece of memorization of Tucci's part than anything else (if you haven't seen it, there were a lot of numbers involved.) Also, to me it felt like more of a set up for Paul Bettany's one liner in which he kind of crushes Tucci's whole perspective. Instead, I thought the Bettany's cynical monologue (which I can't find on youtube or in the original script) about how people love to look the other way when things are good but are quick to point the finger when things fall apart was stellar. It reminded me a bit of the 25th Hour (another movie that I think it underrated).

The Movie I Disliked More Than I Should Have: Moneyball
First off, the Best Adaptation award should go to this because the book was pretty unfilmable and it was turned into a movie that even non-sports fans love. That being said, I'm not a fan of sabremetrics (although my dislike of them has more to do with John Hollinger and his ilk trying to make it work in basketball, as opposed to using it in baseball where I think it actually can work) and I hated how the movie was basically a propaganda piece for Beane and his mathletes. Art Howe's portrayal seemed unfair, the film overlooked the talent that the A's had (including one of the best pitching staffs in the Majors), and never even let Beane give even a nod to the scouts when they were right about Jeremy Giambi's attitude being a major problem.
But the thing that really annoyed me was what actually happened in the end - the A's lost to a team that had an equally low payroll in the Minnesota Twins (a team that focused on fundamentals that Beane dismissed.) For me, stat based analysis can be important but the problem, and something that Beane suffered from greatly, was the blind allegiance to them. To succeed, you need to look at the numbers but also pay attention to personalities and fundamentals. But why let details get in the way of a good story? For me, the details irked me through the film but Bennett Miller, Aaron Sorkin, and Steve Zaillian realized that people like me would be in the minority and the movie they made was better off for ignoring my issues.

The Movie I Argue Against More than I Mean To: Ides of March
Ides of March getting a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination is yet another example of why screenplay awards, as they are run right now, are stupid. To compare Moneyball (based on a non-filmic book) and Ides of March (based on an award winning play) is ridiculous but what makes the comparison even more one sided is that what George Clooney and Grant Heslov added to the play was little more than a showy role for Clooney and a melodramatic third act. And along the way, they lost the focus of the play and the lead character (played in the film by Ryan Gosling but originally knocked out of the park in the play by Chris Pine), who was kind of all over the place in the movie. Still, the movie was entertaining enough but the critical response is frustrating to me and it's also somewhat annoying when Clooney blasts studios for not having enough faith in the audience but then he went and did exactly what studios do and added melodrama where it wasn't needed. Ides of March is a decent, forgettable movie and there's nothing wrong with that; I guess I just get annoyed by critics trying to make it seem more than that.

Best Worst Chase Scene: The Mechanic
The Mechanic chase scene takes the movement of Chaos Cinema
to new levels. Not only do you not really know what the hell is going on in the chase but there's no way that the chaos is physically possible. There's one point in particular in which Jason Statham would have to be Nightcrawler and have the ability to teleport to cover the ground that he did. And I don't mean the usual chase scene nonsense of a bad guy getting a five minute headstart which the good guy makes up in the matter of two seconds, I mean that he's in a truck at one point (and he just crashed the truck full speed into something, if I recall correctly) and then two cutaways later, he's sprinting in a different area altogether. The movie was a mess but this scene was so joyfully bad that it almost made it worthwhile. (Although I do have to say that the scene was made infinitely better by the fact that my friend who I saw it with broke into uncontrollable laughter for a good five minutes when the aforementioned truck crash happened. There's something about watching a bad chase scene next to someone who is struggling to breathe because they are laughing so hard. I didn't think the chase was THAT crazy but his laughter was contagious.)

WTF?! Moment of the Year: The Lincoln Lawyer
So basically, we learn the Matthew Mccoughwhatever had a client (Michael Pena) who he told to take a plea even though the guy said he was innocent. Later in the movie, Matty Mc goes to see Pena with a picture that resembled the suspect that Pena always said did the killing. Pena's response should be one of thanks or, at least, relief that maybe the real killer will be brought to justice. NOPE! Pena instead flips out and runs off and demands to be brought back to his cell. It is honestly one of the most unrealistic reactions I've ever seen.

Worst Ending: (Tie) Scream 4 and The Adjustment Bureau
I'll try to keep this spoiler free. The Adjustment Bureau's ending was a let down because it was one of those films that was OK but that you knew needed to knock it out of the park in the end but when the final moment happens, everyone in the theater was either chuckling or saying out loud, "What the..." The film paints itself literally and figuratively into a corner and relies on one of the oldest tricks in the book to wrap things up. And it makes you wonder why the hell you just wasted your time (although Emily Blunt is pretty lovable in the movie.)
Then there's Scream 4. The fourth installment of the once seminal series is a terrible movie (save for Allison Brie's performance and Hayden Panettiere reminding me why she was once seen as a future star) but the ending seemed like it might have saved the film and found a new and very interesting (albeit challenging) way to reinvent the series and turn the horror world on it's head once again. But instead, there's an added 10 minutes or so that undo the initial ending and turn the film into being exactly the kind of movie that the original Scream sent up. Which is, ultimately, why the film and the ending were such a let down. The move simply became another forgettable slasher film.

The Movie People Will Discover/Time Will Forgot: Take Shelter
Largely ignored by awards and, to be fair, not an amazing movie, "Take Shelter" is the kind of film that I think people will discover if it gets enough run on the movie channels. It's not good enough to take on a second life ala Shawshank Redemption (an all-time classic that almost nobody saw in the theaters) but it has some great performances and is a very interesting movie. Sadly, as I walked into the theater, I overheard two assholes talking about the ending so it was kind of ruined for me but I still highly recommend people check it out. (Oh, and the film earns points for casting Ray McKinnon as Michael Shannon's brother. I'd love to watch a cop drama with those two in the leads.

Nostalgia Points: The Muppets
Armond White got a lot of shit for ruining the Muppets' 100% at Rotten Tomatoes but I can't really be that upset about it. While it was a good movie, it wasn't great. It was a fitting Muppet movie for the times since it was incredibly meta but I felt like that took away some of the charm of the Muppets. I liked the film but I would have been hard pressed to not like something with the old gang coming back together. In the end, while I liked the movie, I have to say that I really hope that Segal and Company don't return for the sequel and they put the franchise in someone else's hands.

The Breakout Star Nobody Knows: Jessica Chastain
: Chastain is a great example of how Hollywood hypes up someone amongst themselves and ignores the fact that not many people outside of Lalaland recnognize her name. Chastain was all over the place in 2011, appearing in Take Shelter, Tree of Life, The Help, The Debt, Coriolanus, and a few other films. And I will confess to crushing on her a bit but when I mention her name, people don't seem to know who I'm talking about. And that's when I mention her to people who are so-so film fans in LA. Outside of Cali, I get a straight up "Who?" I do think Chastain has a bright bright future ahead of her but I hope that Hollywood doesn't rush her into half-baked leading roles in order to take advantage of a buzz that isn't heard outside of the land of In and Out.

The Save Your Money Award: January Jones
I don't watch Mad Men so maybe Jones shows something more than an icy exterior and absent inner being but I just can't see her getting too many more shots at big supporting roles after this year. Jones is lovely, no doubt, but that's literally all she brings to the table and if you walk around Los Angeles for a week, you can stumble upon a gaggle of good looking ladies who could probably give a vacant stare ala Jones. Nevermind that youngsters like Shailene Woodley and Mia Wasikowska and others are ready to step up and I think Jones might want to curb the spending and save her paychecks while she's still getting them

Audience Participation Award - Fast Five
Yes, people talking in movies is annoying but I have to say that the group of high schoolers who were simply amazed at Fast Five made the filmgoing experience all the better. In the first scene alone, I kept hearing a chorus of "damn. Damn. DAMN!" (heightening in both volume and pitch) until the climax which was met with the quiet disbelief of "Oh, hell no. They couldn't survive that." It was amazing and I'm not sure I would have liked the movie as much if not for the running commentary.
That being said, the "Shut the Fuck Up!" award goes to the women talking behind me and my friends during "Young Adult" These two women yapped away for the whole movie, mostly non-film related small talk and chit chat, and when they were finally SHUSHED! by my friend, they got all uppity and "Oh yeah, you better not turn around!" But to top off that nonsense, near the end of the film someone's cell-phone went off and these women had the gall to say, "Oh hell no. I HATE when people don't turn there phone off in a movie." The hypocrisy was hilarious. Thankfully, Young Adult wasn't good so I didn't miss much but those two women definitely made me miss the Arclight and its quieter, more respectful crowds.

Best Argument for CGI: Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Enough has been said about Andy Serkis but I think the real takeaway from the film was that the CGI stuff was better than anything with the humans. The relationships of the apes were better than anything James Franco brought to the table.

Laziest Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
I didn't like the second and third movies at all but this film succeeded in making me at least respect those films a bit more because at least they tried to do something. True, they bit off more than they could chew IMO but it is better than the fourth film just going through the motions and bringing next to nothing new to the proceedings. Still, the movie does gangbusters overseas and it made a billion dollars so we'll see another one but this last one was so dismal that it dashed what little hope or good will I had for this franchise to match the classic original film. I won't even bother with the next installment.

Best Gag in a Bad Movie: "That's What She Said" in 30 Minutes or Less
I know my friend Nick would say the sneeze/shit in Hall Pass should get this but I'm going with "That's What She Said" in 30 Minutes or Less. I'm not sure if you can say the movie is worth watching for it but it's a funny thread that they run throughout the film, culminating with an emotional end. Although the emotion you'll probably be feeling at the end is relief that the movie's finally over. It might tie Laziest Film with Pirate of the Caribbean on Stranger Tides and it was a definitely let down as it was the director's follow up to "Zombieland".

Most Forgettable Movie: Transformers 3
To be fair, it is a third movie so there's the whole issue of confusing it with stuff that happened in the first two but I honestly can't really remember anything from the movie. Oh wait, I remember the trailer and how the moon mission was actually Transformers related but beyond that, yeah, nothing.

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments ()