First off, this trailer loses points for breaking the SoulHonky 10 year rule. Renny Harlin can only be considered "the director of..." films he's made in the last decade (on the bright side, "The Long Kiss Goodnight" and "Cutthroat Island" are also off of his record). So this film is brought to you by the director of: Cleaner, The Covenant, Exorcist: The Beginning, Mindhunters, Driven, or Deep Blue Sea. Personally, I'd go with The Covenant and Mindhunters.

However, I might give them a pass if this film is what it seems to be and is a rip-off of all films Die Hard. Look at the trailer, you have a plot that is basically straight out of Die Hard with a Vengeance. Two scenes (the elevator and the house exploding) that were done before in Die Hard on a Bus (aka Speed). You have a lead actor in John Cena who is probably hope he can become the next Steven Seagal, star of Die Hard on a Boat (aka Under Siege). The villain, played by The Wire's Aiden Gillen, looks like a mix of Speed's Dennis Hopper and Die Hard's Alan Rickman. Some of the action scenes look about as believable as Live Free or Die Hard.

So, without further ado, the latest film from the director of The Covenant and the producer of 10,000 BC... 12 Rounds

Posted by SoulHonky at 06:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Movie soundtracks used to be a staple of film promotion and MTV. Every movie had to have a big soundtrack and most major summer movies had at least one related single with an accompanying video. I'm not sure what happened but along the way, the film soundtrack died out and now we don't really see as many films boasting new music from the top bands of the land. Now, most soundtracks are comprised of already released material. There aren't many soundtracks that feature mostly new music.

This week's small talk is which of the original soundtracks of the 90's and Aughts was the best. This doesn't include soundtracks like Dazed and Confused which were all older songs. Also, this is about albums with stand alone songs, not scores so "There Will Be Blood" isn't eligible. Honorable mention goes to South Park, which I'm not going to count because it's a musical but that still had some great songs on it. But what were the soundtracks of late that were able to get heavy rotation on the SoulCD player and still get some plays on ITunes? (And I'm not a fan of the Moldy Peaces so don't expect to see Juno on here)

10. New Jersey Drive: Arguably the most impressive soundtrack because the CD spawned a sequel while I'm not sure the movie actually ever came out.

9. Above The Rim: The 90's were all about the hip hop soundtrack and this was one of the better ones.

8. Batman & Robin: This will probably only show up on my list (and many people might actually prefer Batman Forever's more popular soundtrack) but this CD was on constant rotation when it came out and I still play it on ITunes now and then. Hell, the lead single from the Smashing Pumpkins just made a comeback in the Watchmen trailer. Songs from Soul Coughing, Goo Goo Dolls, Bone Thugs N Harmony, Lauren Christy, and Arkana still make some SoulHonky mix CD's.

7. Into The Wild: If going with the sensitive rock auteur, a lot of people might go with Eliot Smith's "Good Will Hunting" soundtrack but I'm a huge fan of pearl jam and like (but don't love) Eddie Vedder's foray into the soundtrack genre.

6. Rush: Eddie was OK but he doesn't match Eric Clapton's soundtrack for this little scene film. In fact, I think one song, Tears in Heaven, pretty much blows Eddie's chances out of the water.

5. Clueless: While a lot of people seemed to love Coolio's "Rollin' with my homies" (which still has some camp value), this album really separated itself by having some silly new stuff like Supermodel by Jill Sobule or a cover of Kids in America with some new hipper (at the time) bands like Supergrass, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and an acoustic version of Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead.

4. Garden State: I know this movie can inspire some heated debates but I think you have to admit that the soundtrack is stellar (even if you aren't a fan of The Shins, which I'm not). The ambient sounds of Zero 7, Frou Frou, Thievery Corporation, Remy Zero, and Iron and Wine make this one of the most listened to soundtracks.  

3. Juice: Bar none the best hip hop soundtrack ever. Not only did they get some heavyweights of the era but those artists brought top notch material. Often, soundtrack cuts are leftovers or rushed little ditties but there's no denying the strength of songs like "Juice (Know the Ledge)" by Eric B. and Rakin, "Nuff Respect" by Big Daddy Kane, and "Uptown Anthem" by Naughty by Nature. The R&B songs also weren't even that bad.

2. Singles: The album that arguably helped launch a movement in music, "Singles" helped put the Seattle grunge scene. "State of Love and Trust" is still one of my favorite peal jam songs, "Would?" is classic Alice in Chains, and there's also stuff from Chris Cornell. Straying from Seattle, there's also the Smashing Pumpkins and 90's stalwarts Screaming Trees and Paul Westerberg. The major knock on it would be that it fails as a time capsule of the Seattle grunge era because it doesn't have anything from Nirvana.

1. Judgement Night: Did I say Juice was bar none the best hip hop soundtrack? Technically this counts as a hip hop soundtrack but it's more of a hybrid as rap groups are coupled with rock bands in a soundtrack that is not only filled with good songs from top to bottom but also helped inspire the new Rap-Rock movement. The collegiate favorites were De La Soul/Teenage Fan Club's collabo "Falling" and the pairing of Sonic Youth and Cypress Hill for "I Love You Mary Janes". I was always partial to the opening "Just Another Victim" by Helmet and House of Pain, "The Real Thing" by pearl jam and Cypess Hill as well as the title cut by Onyx & Biohazard. "Judgement Night" was not only a great album but it was musically innovative. And it also gets points for being like New Jersey Drive; more people owned the soundtrack than saw the movie.

Posted by SoulHonky at 07:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I can't even begin to go into everything wrong with Bobby Jindal's Republican response (one that even Republican's seemed to shake their heads at) but this story really gets me the most. How can someone say that Hurricane Katrina was a sign of how American doesn't need its government to help. Most complaints are about how poorly the government did, can you imagine if they didn't bother getting involved at all? Don't you think that a lot of this could have been avoided with higher public safety standards? It's clear that people weren't paying much attention to the levies and people also didn't get up and save themselves before the hurricane hit.

I also like that this story (below) has his talking about a Democratic state employee trying to overcome the ridiculous red tape from the Republican powers-that-be and then surmising that what it all meant was that America didn't need government getting in the way. Clearly the problem wasn't government, it was the people who were in charge of it. In the end, Jindal's response was about as good as the GOP's response to Katrina.

I guess now I know why Sarah Palin is such a rising force in the party

Posted by SoulHonky at 09:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I couldn't really find an album that I really liked this week so I decided to go with one of Pitchfork.com's choices for Best New Music. Personally, I find The Pains of Being Pure at Heart to be techinically proficient but emotionally empty. They kind of remind me of a suburban garage version of The Cure. Learned but emotionless, the songs sound like they should be catchy but they just kind of lay there.

My brother and I always called these kind of songs "floaters". The poster child for these songs was "This Used to be My Playground" by Madonna. That song almost immediately jumps into the background. There's nothing wrong with that song but if it's playing my ear will jump to any noise rather than focus in on the song.

In other news, Phoenix put up a pretty neat looking website for their new single 1901. I was thinking about putting their last album as this week's Tryout but that album is more hit-or-miss than the Pure of Heart's.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Few musical genres are as maligned as new "new school" rap. I'm not talking new school in terms of Public Enemy or Eric B. and Rakim but in the first wave of MTV friendly groups: Kwame, Kid 'n Play, and DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. People who don't like rap dislike it. People who love rap mock it. And people who do rap fear being compared to it. Whatever, I liked a lot of it. Sure, some of it was corny but Kwame had some great songs and there were a lot of catchy singles about a wide range of topics in that era.

But perhaps my favorite thing about that era is that more duos and groups utilized the back-and-forth technique. Today, almost every rap group uses the one verse for one MC style. There's little creativity in terms of delivery.

For this week, I"m going to step up for the honor of Kid 'n' Play and all groups that used the ol' back and forth style of rap. I miss the days when rap groups used to be groups and pass the mic mid-verse or even mid-line. Who knows, maybe someone will bring it back but right now it seems pretty dead. Anyone know of any new groups that do it or have any old favorites they want to recommend for one of the Songs of the Day?

Anyway, LeBron's commercial dissing Kid 'n' Play is just another reason I'm going to love it when the Celtics knock the Cavs out of the playoffs again.

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hollywood types always like to point out how the rich keep getting richer, people need to be more accepting, and America is run by morons but tomorrow they are going to give gold statues to multi-millionaires in a show that takes a rather elitiest stance on what makes a quality movie and is run by people who think hiring Hugh Jackman, the producer/co-star of Viva Laughlin, will help boost the ratings.

I'm just saying... 

Posted by SoulHonky at 06:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's the third part of "Freaks". We get a little more action in these five pages and our first on-screen kill. The previous pages can be found over here and you can just download the PDF of these next five pages right here.

At this point, I think I've set up the first act pretty well. The townspeople seem like good guys, something seems a little off with the Freaks, and the presence of a threat comes up here at the end of Act One. This is more of a Stephen King style thriller; a few scares and some creepy tension in the beginning and then all hell breaks loose in the third act. I'm just not sure if anything in these opening 20 pages really grabs the reader. It's competent but mere competence isn't going sell a screenplay. 

Continue reading to check out the end of Act 1 of "Freaks". 

 

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Every era has the busy actors who keep popping up in movie and movie or show after show yet you never know their name. Occassionaly they get their break and land a starring role but for the most part they just stick to their niche and play their roles so well that you never really notice that they are acting.

Honorable Mention goes to Mark Strong, who broke out this year in "Body of Lies" and "Rock'n'Rolla", two movies nobody saw. He also is a dead ringer for Andy Garcia. There's also Paul Ben-Victor who was Vonda, The Greek's right hand man, in "The Wire" and studio head Alan Grey in "Entourage".

I also have to recognize the girl I couldn't believe I remembered, Laura Ramsey.  Now Ms. Ramsey probably isn't on many "That Guy" lists but she's always had a place in my heart because a) she's super-cute and b) she was in "The Real Cancun", a reality film that I worked on and that nobody else saw. I pretty much forgot about her until she popped up for a second in "The Lords of Dogtown". I couldn't figure out who she was and finally figured it out with the help of IMDB. Since then she's popped up in a few other movies and is starting to get bigger roles in, well, films with bigger marketing campaigns. She was in "The Covenant" as well as "The Ruins". Hopefully she'll keep getting roles and grow as an actress. What can I say, I'm kind of crushing on her.

Right now there are a number of these actors but I've picked out my five favorites. Who are yours? 

5. Said Taghmaoui: Plain and simple, Said is Hollywood's go-to Arab. He tortured Mark Wahlberg in "Three Kings". He was in "Sleeper Cell" and "Vantage Point". He worked with Don Cheadle in "Traitor". When I saw that they were making "House of Saddam", I just knew he'd play a role in that. He'll finally get a chance to play a good guy as one of the Joe's in G.I. Joe. He's a very good actor and who knows, maybe he'll someday gets roles that aren't defined by his ethnicity.

4. Zeljko Ivanek: This guy pops up all over the place although he's recently gotten some meatier roles, especially his gig on "Damages", for which he won an Emmy. Ever since he played Mr. Cleary in "School Ties", I've recognized him but I've never known his name. In true "That Guy" fashion, I often confuse him with Paul McCrane aka the doctor who gets his arm cut off by a helicopter on ER. Ivanek is great at what he does yet immediately forgettable. I completely forgot he was even in "Live Free or Die Hard" and I remember the role he played in "In Bruges" but forgot it was him. HE's had a busy career spanning from "St. Elsewhere" to "Heroes" but I still had to check a few times before I spelled his first name right.

3. Craig Robinson: A lot of fans know who Craig Robinson is. He's in "The Office". He was the doorman in Knocked Up. He was one of the only funny things in Zack and Miri Make A Porno. He's one of the funnier members of Apatow's acting troupe but he's still yet to really get his close up. I can't imagine he won't have a leading role soon but I actually wouldn't mind if he didn't because that means he'll have more time to pop up in as many films as he can.

2. Luis Guzman: Luis Guzman is a great actor and absolutely hilarious. He also has the best Puerto Rican accent since Rosie Perez cooed "Mookie" (but for completely different reasons). When he popped up in "He Just Not That Into You", people started laughing. His mere presence gets people giggling. He broke through in "Boogie Nights" although I think he first popped up on my radar after "Carlito's Way". He one over a new groups of fans in "Waiting...". Now part of me thinks he should be disqualified because he had his own TV show but it only lasted two episodes and I'm willing to bet you could point to him, tell people he was on "Luis", and they'd still ask, "Waht's his name?" He's also one of those actors whom you say "I love that guy." and then when you look at his filmography you're kind of like, "Why do I? He's not in that many great flicks." But he makes every moment count, even if you don't know his name.

1. Stephen Tobolowsky: When I first moved to Los Angeles, my first job was on a film called "Par 6". It was basically the That Guy movie to end all that guy movies. The lead was John Mahoney aka Frasier's Dad (or Ione Skye's dad in "Say Anything"). The rest of the cast was like that. It was the Principal from "Ferris Bueller". The brother from "The Drew Carey Show". Jacques Renault from "Twin Peaks". It starred a pre-Nip/Tuck Dylan Walsh (and I'm not sure people even now know his name). It was directed by Grant Heslov aka the camera guy in "The Birdcage" or the guy who gets it big time from the gorilla in "Congo. Fittingly, nobody saw it. Still, perhaps the That Guy of That Guys was Stephen Tobolowsky. He has had great roles in classic films yet nobody knows him. He's Needlenose Ned Ryerson in "Groundhog's Day". He's Sammy Jankis in 'Memento". Mary McDonell has to get his password in "Sneakers". The guy plays great roles yet somehow isn't memorable. At all. For an actor, it's a gift and a curse. It allows people to watch his roles without the baggage of past performances but it also means that he'll never be a marquee guy. Still, he's been in tons of films and is constantly working (he recently did a little stint in "Heroes" so it might be the best of both worlds. The money from acting, the joy of performing, and none of the celebrity headaches.

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by SoulHonky at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Maybe I'm just getting grumpy (or grumpier) in my old age but this year was pretty much a disaster in terms of new TV shows. I couldn't find a single show to really get excited about. Here's the rundown.

90210: I got through the first episode before realizing that this wasn't for me. And I'm someone who likes Gossip Girl. I watched a couple of more episodes and it just didn't click. I guess my main problem was that there was no center. The original 90210 had the new kids in town trying to fit in and the square parents. In this one, there was no fish out of water. Everyone loved the 90210 lifestyle. All of the conflict was contrived and the whole thing seemed phony.

Eleventh Hour: I can barely remember this one but I remember a boring male lead being teamed with an equally boring female lead and they then go hunt down outlandish yet surprisingly boring cases.

Fringe: I actually gave Fringe two shots to reel me in and it failed both times. The problem was that the Fringe science was the most believable part of the show. The actual relationships and actions of the supposed normal people required more suspension of disbelief than the sci-fi elements. When I tapped out for the second time, it was partly because Olivia, the main Fed, had just been kidnapped and experimented on. She escaped but they weren't able to find out who did it. At the same time, her sister and her kid come to visit and ask if they can stay at her place and she says "Yes." Needless to say, the kid gets in the middle of danger in the next episode. It was ridiculous. When most films and shows have the common sense to have people trying to send their loved ones away because of the threat, this show has their hero inviting them to sleep over. I'm sure she's probably be the type of Aunt who send her niece to Crystal Lake for summer camp despite the bad reviews. The show has some VERY cool elements but it's a B-movie TV show and I just couldn't handle the antics of the supposedly normal people.

Knight Rider: One of the funniest shows I've ever watched. If everyone involved could have put their egos aside, they could have made a few tweaks and turned it into an amazing parody and one of the best comedies on TV.

Life On Mars: Just didn't click. I guess the main issue was the premise and the fact that the whole thing could just be a dream. I'm not tuning in every week to a show that might just end with the guy waking up. It seemed to me like a worse version of "Journeyman".

The Mentalist: One thing I can't stand about the recent procedurals is that they are all following House's lead. It's basically watching a bunch of people talking about stuff that 90% of the world doesn't understand and then we should be thrilled when they come up with the solution that we never had a chance of solving. The end of the pilot of The Mentalist hinged on Simon Baker's character seeing a book. He knew what was in the book and because of that, he knew who did it. But there was no way for the audience to know that so the whole thing felt like a cheat. To me, part of the fun of watching a whodunit is figuring out whodunit. If you're keeping evidence from me or the key pieces of evidence are things that I don't know or couldn't ever figure out on my own, then I don't see why I should watch. (At least House has the personal relationships. The Mentalist lacked that IMO).

Privileged: I think the lead actress is adorable and would love to see her in a hit show but I couldn't bring myself to watch this. Gossip Girl was more than enough estrogen for me.

Lie To Me: Like The Mentalist, it was a procedural that didn't really let us into the procedure. Also, it was like House but instead of surgery, Tim Roth just stared at people. I wanted to like it but it was just boring.

Trust Me: There's just nothing appealing about watching moderately unlikable guys struggle with their jobs. It was like The West Wing with worse characters and instead of world shaping events, each episode focused on things like thinking up a new catchphrase.

Important Things with Demetri Martin: I liked this show because I like Martin's stand-up but I couldn't help but be disappointed because all it was was his stand-up. I know people want to crown him the next comedy superstar but he's going to need to bring something more. The sketches in the premiere episode weren't that good. I really wish they'd gone the Seinfeld (or even Larry Sanders) route and tried to spin the comedy into an actual sit-com. A lot of his jokes seem to lend themselves to sit-com treatment. Maybe it could have been the new Herman's Head (but with an actual audience).

The College Humor Show: There's no reason for this show to be on TV. No, really. The best bit from the show was a sketch that had been online since August. The actual show was cliched and just stupid. College Humor can put out some great material (the unaired 1994 pilot of 24 is classic) but they don't have enough for a TV show (and it doesn't help that none of them can act).

The Beast: It was like Fringe but without the interesting sci-fi elements. The pilot was so laughably illogical that I couldn't bother watching it anymore.

Leverage: This show wasn't bad but, again, it wasn't anything more than a B-TV show/guilty pleasure. It was solid enough but it was more like a show that you catch when it on than something you consciously tune in each week to watch.

The United States of Tara: An interesting premise that just wasn't utilized to its fullest. There wasn't enough Tara or real emotion. At the same time, it wasn't all that funny so you were just left with this wet blanket (or I'm sure Ms. Cody would prefer "a wet snuggie") that really gave you no reason to tune in. It was like a bad mix of hour-long drama with half hour sit-com sensibilities. I liked Juno but this was not the right show for Diablo Cody. I kind of wish that this had gone into production a year later and Jenny Lumet had gotten a crack at it.

Crash: It's like Knight Rider but not funny and more annoying. One of the worst shows I've ever had the displeasure of watching. And I didn't even mind the movie.

The Life and Times of Tim: I liked this show but it almost seemed better suited as a web series than a TV show. I'd watch it again if it was on HBO but it was more smile funny than laugh out loud or even chuckle funny.

I think that's all of 'em or at least, all the ones I saw. Did you guys like any of these shows? Did I miss any new programs that were actually worthwhile and that you'd recommend? 

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

No, the one and only SoulHonky.com did not make Time's list of Top 25 blogs but it didn't make the list of 5 Overrated Blogs so we're counting it as a victory. I don't go to a lot of the blogs on the list although Slash Film is pretty damn good. I'd consider NY Magazine's Vulture blog to be my favorite followed by assorted sports and film sites but there isn't a random blog that I've really taken a shine to of late. Maybe because nobody actually "take a shine to" things anymore.

Since I don't feel like scrolling through the Top 25 and typing them down, here's Time's 5 overrated sites.

TechCrunch: Never heard of this one but it was supposedly very popular back in the day. The day being yesteday.

Gawker: I'd actually go with Gawker's West Coast sister site Defamer here although both sites have hit hard times and supposedly Defamer is on the block (current block: selling, future block: chopping). On the bright side, the Gawker empire's sports blog Deadspin was one of the best blogs of the year and deservedly so.

Jim Cramer's Blog: Why would anyone still listen to the guy who urged people to buy Wachovia stock a day or so before the company went out of business? Here's a link to fellow Worstie Gawker about that bad call of bad calls.

Perez Hilton: I've never really been a fan of this one. I preferred the Superficial and then WWTDD but both of them have sort of become paparazzi porn of late with most of their entries being candid shots of scantily clad celebs. And no, I'm not quite sure why I said that like it's a bad thing.

Daily Kos: A site that was born out of hatred of George W. Bush doesn't really have much purpose now that they have their guy in power. It can't be long before Kos switches hats with Bill O'Reilly and starts bashing conservatives who question our current fearless leader.

Posted by SoulHonky at 08:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Thanks to an old college buddy Matt Trombley for suggesting this band to me. I loved the album after one listen and cooled on it a bit after a second but I still dig it. I'm very interested in the group's second album which is supposedly coming out sometime in March. Three years between albums, it better be good.

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So over at Trailer Addict they often have caption writing contests for screen grabs for films. I decided to try my hand at it and it and ended up winning (or alt least being one of the top 5). A childish excitement washed over me until I read that what I won was a copy of "Swing Vote" which seems more like a punishment. Here's the pic, my caption is below.

My caption was: "PICTURED: Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammar as they sit down to watch "Swing Vote". Their agents would be fired moments after this photo was taken."

Although I think my favorite of the top five was: "Even in the White House, Cinemax is scrambled."

Check out the rest of the caption and some new trailers of at Trailer Addict. 

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For this week, I thought I'd choose songs that let people know a little bit more about the SoulHonky himself so you know where I'm coming from. I'm not going to go as in depth as John Cusack's character in "High Fidelity" but there are songs that I relate to one way or another.

Lala.com didn't have my favorite song so I'm going to start the week with Tegan and Sara's "You Wouldn't Like Me" which basically fits my self-deprecating ways. The key to the song although is the end when the women in wanting deny their true love, saying "I won't say that I'll love you forever". It's one of those weird moments in which even at your loneliest you still aren't willing to settle down long term. At least, that's how I interpret it. 

And don't worry, not all of the songs will be so deep or depressing. A couple I have picked out are about how I look at living in Hollywood and my opinion of our modern era and I'll try to end the week on a hopeful note. 

Continue reading to find out the song that I think best describes me.

Posted by SoulHonky at 02:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What better way to kick off the week than to watch how some shows kicked off their campaigns. Right now I'm working on writing a couple of pilots and I'm interested in finding out what works, what doesn't, what gets audiences to come back for the next episode, and what makes them tune out after the first commercial break. I would have loved to start with "The Shield" which has one of the best pilot of all time but that's not online. Instead I'm going to go with one of my favorite sit-coms growing up, "Benson"

Now I will admit, the open is a bit slow and there's one comment that definitely would not fly in the PC Era but it still makes me laugh. So click below and check out the pilot episode of "Benson".

The pilot is, of course, over-the-top and hardly realistic but the characters are grounded enough that I think we buy them even in the most outlandish moments. The show opens pretty slowly but once they pay off the Jesse Jackson joke, I think it is consistently funny. They do a good job introducing the characters and it's no surprise that the thinnest character (the Governor's aide) didn't last very long. The pilot also establishes the tone which is comedy with a touch of sentimentality. All in all, it's a funny show and you know what to expect in the coming weeks.

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's the second entry of the "Freaks" screenplay that I've been tinkering with. One of the things that bothers me most about these pages is that I never did find out how much hotel rooms cost in the Old West. Part of me feels like 10 dollars is entirely too much but I really don't know. 

The first pages can be found in this link and if you want to just download the second set of pages, you can just click here. The second ten is the first contact between the Freaks and the townspeople and it ends with two characters about to possibly get themselves into some trouble. If you don't want to download the pages, you can see them if you just continue reading.

Posted by SoulHonky at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I haven't been updating my cafepress story because, well, nobody has ever bought anything besides me but I came up with a new logo and thought I'd throw it on some t-shirts. If you want to check out the store, just click here or on the hilarious logo below.

Posted by SoulHonky at 04:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm really torn on Joss Whedon's latest, "Dollhouse". While I thought the show had potential, I'm really not sure how much potential is actually has. It's one of those premises that seems great until you start to flesh it out. Then you realize there really isn't all that much there. It seems like it might have made a better movie trilogy (a kind of Bourne offshoot) or a mini-series that then might expand into a show.

The more I think about it, the more I believe I'm just drawn in by the premise. The look of the show wasn't that great and I wasn't a huge fan of the casting. I'm not sure Eliza Dushku really has the range to carry a show like this. I usually like Harry Lennix but he seemed to be in stock ex-cop cliche form in this one. 

One thing that this show really could have used (both for promtion purposes and to help chip away at the backstory) was a pre-premiere web series. Maybe if we watched the FBI agent track down his leads and try to learn more about Dollhouse, it could have drummed up interest and helped the show get its feet under it. (Although it sounds like Fox swept Whedon's legs out from under him and demanded some changes that altered the show)

Right now, it's a B- show that doesn't really have enough going for it to recommend. If you think you wouldn't like it, you won't. I'm hoping it gets better but the reviews seem to make it seem like the future episodes continue to tease with the promise of a fulfilled potential that it never is able to deliver.

So like with most of this season's new shows, my recommendation is to hold off for now. Wait to see if word of mouth starts building and then catch the shows online (or just wait out season 1 and watch it on DVD). There's always a risk that if too many people do that, the show won't get the ratings it needs to stay on the air but personally, I'd rather take that risk than invest hours of my life on another TV show that botches its premise and fails to live up to its promise. I'm going to tune in next week but part of me feels like I'm setting myself up for disappointment.

Posted by SoulHonky at 04:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To start, I'd like to remind people of the glorious ads to the right. Feel free to click on those ads and check out whatever it is they are selling so that the SoulHonky can make some money off of this blog. Thanks you for your support.

That plea aside, I've been trying to get SoulHonky.com onto a bit of a schedule and I think I've finally figured it out. While I'll always drop random entries and embedded videos now and then, I want to have a regular feature for every day. Here's the lineup right now.

Monday: Song of the Day. I'd like to have a theme for the songs of the week rather than just randomly throwing stuff up there so every Monday I'm going to announce to the 12 of you that read this site just what that week's theme will be. It's not a stunning feature, I know, but it's Monday, you just had a weekend off so you shouldn't be wasting that much time at work that you can keep checking here. But if you do, click on the ads.

Tuesday: Tuesday is the new Tryout. I'll post up a nem album that I either like, have heard is good, or just feel like checking out and people can react to the album in this post.

Wednesday: I was going to put Freaks here but that script just isn't that good so why would I post it on Hump Day? I think I'm going to go back to posting the pages of my sit-com/web-series based at a reality TV production company. Granted, I really shouldn't post anything since people could lift the good stuff and steal it but the scripts are WGA protected and I don't think much is coming of them anyways so why not?

Thursday: I don't really have anything for Thursday. If I keep up with the Cowrite contest I could post my weekly entry here but I'm leaning towards tapping out of that since I'm not a fan of the script or the structure. Every other week this could be the spot for The Seltzer Bottle but I don't have anything for the off-weeks. Maybe it'll be nothing. Maybe I'll just post old web videos that I liked. Who knows.

Friday: Weekend Small Talk is the Friday feature. Random lists of favorite for people to discuss in the comments or amongst themselves.

Saturday: Probably nothing although if I see a movie on Friday night, I'll probably post something about it on Saturday or Sunday.

Sunday: I think I'm going to dump the pages of "Freaks" here on Sunday. It's not a high profile spot but it could be something that slackers could read on Monday morning if they don't feel like starting their week off by actually working.

I toyed with the idea of bringing The Unprocrastinator back but I'm not sure if I want to go down that route. Anyway, that seems like a decent schedule. It's busy and will keep the entries flowing but it's not going to be too much for me to keep up with.

Don't forget about the Watch It! column. It's underneath The Tryout on the right and I'm usually throwing one or two things there a week. I've just added the second leaked song from Raekwon's new album and a new trailer for a film called "Skills Like This". 

Hope everyone enjoys the blog. I'm always open to suggestions or criticism or whatever so don't be afraid to leave a comment or two. 

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you don't get enough sugar at breakfast, you'll never be able to make it to lunch. True story.

So while you are on your Valentine's Date and conversation has come to a stand still, why not ask her about her favorite breakfast cereal. Not only will it give you a good look into her soul but you'll also be able to gauge how much she might be interested in having breakfast with you the next day... if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, I mean that maybe you can tell if she'll have sex with you if she plays along with the breakfast chat. Or maybe not. What do I know?

You wanna know what I know?! I know what the five best breakfast cereals are. Or at least the ones that I liked best.  

5. Crispix. Something about the tag team of rise and corn just works. And Crispix is indeed crispy. Times two. Of all of the "plain" cereals, this was my favorite, followed closely behind by Special K.

4. Froot Loops: Up until college, Frosted Flakes probably would have owned this spot but then I really discovered the joy of Froot Loops. When not eating grilled cheese sandwiches, odds are that I was probably eatng Froot Loops for lunch. Also, after college I worked at places with cheap craft services which always means mini-boxes of cereal and Froot Loops is arguably the best cereal to eat dry.

3. Honey Nut Cheerios: Here's the big debate: Honey Nut Cheerios vs. Honey Smacks vs. Super Golden Crisips. We were a Super Goldem Crisp family when I was growing up but I can say confidently that we were on the wrong track. Honey Smacks definitely blow SGC away. However I don't think I can give Honey Smacks  the nod over Honey Nut Cheerios. First off, it just seemed like you got more cheerios than smacks and cheerios, although not good for you, just didn't seem as bad as Honey Smacks. HNC has a good mix while Honey Smacks almost has too much sugar, if that is at all possible.

2. Honeycombs: Honeycombs boxes are usually the best because they have all sorts of games. And they were better or at least a bit more time consuming than the games on the backs of other boxes. The cereal is top notch. Sweet yet somehow it doesn't seem sugary. It's like fiber is supposed to taste this good. It also rivals Honey Nut Cheerios as one of the best soggy cereals. 

1. Corn Pops: I could eat a box of Corn Pops in one sitting. Actually, change "could" to "can" because I've done it. I've never smoked crack, partly because I realized how addicted I was to pop and could only imagine what it would be like to eat something that is actually addictive.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, the second winner of the CoWrite contest was announced and I wasn't really a fan of those pages either. I might not enter after this week but a lot depends on the where the story heads in this third ten pages. And who knows, maybe I might just win. Anyway, here are my next pages.

I tried to hit every plot point and reintroduce characters since it seems that is what the judges are looking for. Who knows? I don't know why I'm surprised but this seems like something that the guys at Benderspink just threw together on a lark and as a way to drum up some money. The prize is $2000 bucks so if they can get just 200 entrants at 10 bucks a pop, pretty much everything else is profit. Yes, they have to pay for the site but it's very basic so I can't imagine they are spending much on it.

Posted by SoulHonky at 11:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There's nothing like insomnia (or caffeeine overload which is most likely why I can't sleep) to get you to write something. Something stupid but something nonetheless. Anyway, I had fun writing my Friedberg/Seltzer piece before so I decided to take a crack at another version. My buddy Lane and I came up with a silly premise for a horror film and I have decided to use that as the premise for a bi-weekly feature, The Seltzer Bottle. Every couple of weeks I'll throw a few pages together in the current events heavy, slapstick comedy reliant style of the writers of Meet The Spartans, Date Movie. I'm not sure what to call it right now but I'm thinking about going with a Freddy vs. Jason or Alien vs. Predator inspired theme.

So if you have time to waste you can continue reading or just click here to download the first installment of Jackson vs. Injun vs. Creepy Child vs. Shopaholic vs. Clive Owen vs. Plants vs...  

P.S. I know it's not correct form to name who is going to act in the film but since this is a sleep-deprived script with no commercial aspirations, I'm doing it. 

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My first screenwriting class in college was built around each student writing one screenplay. The teacher would take each of us through the steps of the writing process, the first step being pitching. Our assignment was to come up with three ideas for a screenplay; you would pitch them to the class and they would decide which idea you would then spend the rest of the semester working on. The pitches were due on Friday. The class was at 9am.

At Syracuse, Thursday is a big drinking night. Granted, any day ending in a Y is a big drinking night there but Thursday was especially big. That was a problem because anyone who showed up late to screenwriting class lost five percent of their final grade. Even worse, when my friends stopped by to get me to hit up the local dive, I only had two ideas. I couldn't think of a third pitch. In true 'Cuse fashion I said that I'd "wake up early" and finish my work.

Needless to say, I woke up Friday morning, still half-clothed, at 8:20 and was screwed (only figuratively, unfortunately). I tried to think of a third idea. I looked at books on my shelf, posters on my wall, tried to think of interesting titles. For some reason, I came up with the word Xenophobic. I thought of something. It could be a good idea. I typed it up and was off to class.

I walked into class with the two ideas I loved and the one that I tossed down while taking a Frat boy shower (aka spraying on a lot of cologne). The pitches for the two regular ideas were met with looks of interest and nods. The final pitch was: "A traveling circus freak show gets stranded in a town of xenophobic homicidal maniacs. The travelers need to realize that the townsfolk are the real freaks and escape before it is too late." That was met with some giggles which is all I really was hoping for.

In the discussion, people focused on the first two ideas. It seemed like my pitch about a kidnapping gone awry was going to get selected. But then the teacher spoke up. "I kind of like the freaks." Immediately, the three stoners/hipsters spoke up and agreed with him. And then a couple of guys who had a thing for the cute stoner chick agreed. And then the kiss-asses seconded the teacher's taste. And there I was, forced to spend the rest of the semester trying to write a horror film.

Ever since then, I've been working on the script. A decade has passed and I'm still tinkering with it. Every so often I'll look at it, decide to work on it a bit, and then two days later I'll think to myself "Why am I still wasting my time with this?" and forget about it for another month or so. I don't really like horror movies and that's probably the main reason that I can't get it to work. But I like the writing, have grown to dig the premise, and think there could be something there. I just can't find it.

To celebrate the decade of wasted time on a script that's probably going nowhere, I thought I'd post it here. Every Wednesday, I'll throw down another 5 - 8 pages or so. Maybe in doing so I'll be able to see what's wrong. Maybe people can point out flaws I didn't see or they can just say what's probably the real problem: the thing just kind of sucks.

So there you have it. Or rather, here it is: the first 7 pages of the one and only "Freaks". Click here to download PDF pages or click below to see the first seven pages.

 

 

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

New York Magazine's Vulture entertainment blog had a great bunch of quotes  and stories yesterday. My favorite quote is from Takashi Miike, a director who makes American torture porn look like an episode of Little House on the Prarie.

"Audiences in Japan don't really want too much stimulus, they don't want too much danger. They don't want to see a horror film that ruins the rest of their lives. They don't want to see a scene so horrific that they can't go on with their lives — so those conditions are not very desirable for me." —Takashi Miike

From the New York Daily News via Vulture.

Vulture also had a great little anecdote about an audience participation routine gone awry at a performance of Will Ferrell's broadway show.

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Cowrite has announced another winner and the script is shaping up. I'm not sure how I would say it's shaping up but it's currently a PG kids movie and is moving at a problematically brisk pace. The judges seem to be focused on plot more than character and continuity and our heroes and villains have barely been established (nevermind their relationships with others).

I've thrown together a rough draft for the next round but I'm not sure if it's worth it. The producers seem to be looking for more almost self-contained entries. The winners almost play more like a webisodes of an online series than a film script. It's like a bunch of pulpy ten minute spots ending with a cliffhanger.
 I might try to fix these up or write ten pages that I think the producers want (even if I don't think it makes sense in the big picture).

We shall see. 

Posted by SoulHonky at 04:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

jen & abby are friends of a friend and I've seen them live a few times. They have a Lilith Fair feel to them. I'm not really sure exactly who to compare them to, maybe Natalie Merchant/10,000 Maniacs? The Indigo Girls? Now that I write that, I'm realizing that I don't actually know what Natalie Merchant, 10,000 Maniacs, or The Indigo Girls sound like. But if they sound anything like jen & abby, they must be pretty good.

Anyways, jen and abby seem like cool ladies and their shows are always fun, if just to watch Abby shake her hands furiously as she sings. But don't worry, it's the good furious. (I'm not sure if that makes sense although "The Good Furious" would make a good band/album name)

They are playing a free show at Jennifer's Coffee Connection (in Studio City) today and they'll be at Hotel Cafe in March. If you don't live in L.A. none of that means anything to you so you should just listen to their album over on the right, then buy their album and support indie music. Check out their website while you're at it. And all of you slacking boyfriends can buy your ladies some jen and abby merchandise to go along with the record you should be giving your valentines.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This got me thinking, what were the most disappointing second albums of all-time? Of course, I can't really answer that since music is so subjective but I can give you a list of the second albums that I found the most disappointing. Mos Def doesn't make it because I never really listened to his second record. And I don't even want to start a Pinkerton debate so Weezer's not on the list either. I know I'm going to forget a lot of albums here so feel free to comment and add your own. (Note: I try to include groups with great first albums and not one hit wonders)

10. Bush - Razorblade Suitcase: Not that I was a huge fan or anything but the first album made it seem like this could be a pretty good pop rock outfit and then this second album came out and I didn't mind when people dissed Gavin and his mates. The same thing happened with Jet after the release of Shine On.

9. Bloc Party: A Weekend in the City: Bloc Party's first album was so good that technically their second album was a remixed version of their first album "Silent Alarm". However their second album of new material was "A Weekend in the City" and I immediately stopped caring about the band. I still really want to like it and I keep giving it more chances but every time I listen I'm disappointed. Hopefully they can make a comeback like Live did after Secret Samadhi (or whatever it was called) tanked.

8. Nas - It Was Written: It's not really Nas's fault. He was following one of the best rap albums ever made. 

7. The Stone Roses - Second Coming: I was never a huge Stone Roses fan but I remember this album being a big release that got maybe one or two plays before my brother threw it in the 100 cassette organizer and it was never heard from again. Throwing Muses' second CD also met the same fate (assuming the Real Ramona was their first album. It was the first one I ever knew about).

6. Young MC - Brainstorm: Yeah, a lot of people consider Young M.C. a one hit wonder but I loved his debut album. Non Stop, Know How, Got More Rhymes, My Name is Young: even the deeper cuts were fun. The second album? Not so much. Although he does get points for having a song called "Keep it in Your Pants". Ironically, he then tried to get hard (he had an album "Ain't Going Out Like That" filled with similarly grammatically incorrect titles) and it was over.

5. Jewel - Spirit: On this blog, I've already admitted to liking rom-coms so I'm not going to start lying about my manhood when it comes to Jewel. I was a huge fan of her first album. It was stripped down and real. Yeah, "real", I wrote it! The second album was just kind of there. Nothing all that interesting and my fascination with Jewel was over. Well, with her music, at least.

4. Black Sheep: Non-fiction: I know some fans put this one in the category of musical shifts that turned off a group's fanbase. The king of that group is the Beastie Boys' classic album Paul's Boutique. Other examples are De La Soul is Dead, Labcabincalifornia by The Pharcyde, and Blowout Comb by Digable Planets. Non-Fiction, however, does not fit in that group. It just wasn't a good album. Every song was too long. Dres had one of the best voices/flows in hip hop IMO but nobody wanted to hear him go on for five minutes over a repetitive beat. I was a huge fan of "A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" but the group was basically done once (or possibly before) their second album dropped. Honorable mention here goes to Camp Lo, whose second album was also stillborn. I just wasn't as big of a fan of them as Black Sheep.

3. The Killers - Sam's Town: I really thought The Killers could be the next great band but then they appeared on SNL with the first single from Sam's Town and I immediately jumped off of the bandwagon. Things didn't get better when I heard the actual album. The latest album is just more disappointment.

2. Wu Tang Clan: Wu Tang Forever: I know I might be in the minority on this one but after 36 Chambers and the great solo projects from the Clan, I was expecting something amazing. I honestly can't remember any of the songs from this album. I do remember part of the video for Triumph but that's not saying much. To keep the clan together, I'll also tie in Tical 2000 to this one.

1. Lauryn Hill - Unplugged v 2.0: Yeah this is a bit unfair since Ms. Hill hasn't really had a real second record but The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is a classic R&B record and after it all we got was an awkward unplugged set of songs that I can't believe were actually finished material. I'm still holding out hope that we could see a return but she sees to be a Lost One. If that album does come out, I'm not sure if it will be able to survive the hype. It's fast becoming R&B's Chinese Democracy.

Posted by SoulHonky at 05:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This being Valentine's Week I was trying to decide between songs that said Happy Valentine's Day! or were about a crappy Valentine's day. Then I realized that there was no reason to chose one or the other, I can just post them both. So for this week, every day will being you two Songs of the Day, one for the lovers and one for the lonely.

Choosing the songs was tough. Even just skimming through my ITunes I came up with 30+ songs for each. And that's just browsing through the songs I own.  I'm going to start off with Paolo Nutini's ode to a former flame, Rewind. For the bright side I chose one of my favorite Motown songs, Diana Ross & the Supremes with "Up The Ladder to the Roof".

So what are you favorite love songs? Your favorite songs to mope around the house to?

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

An online ad for The College Humor Show claims, "It's like the internet... but on TV." And that's the main problem with this program. College Humor is a fun site to go to waste time and watch a few videos but it's not what anyone would call "appointment television". Even with the website, it's not like people are sitting around waiting for the next College Humor sketch to drop. In order for the show to work it has to offer something more.

It doesn't. The storylines that take place between the sketches (and there were only two or three separate sketches during the show) weren't really strong/funny enough. If that's what is supposed to get people to tune in, it's going to have to get better or else people will just wait for the sketches to show up on the internet? In some cases, the sketches already are online. The best bit of the show, the rap song "Awkward", debuted on College Humor's site last August.

College humor has some great stuff on their site (the unaired 1994 pilot of 24 is a classic) but I'm not sure they have enough for a weekly show. Yeah, SNL has survived for years now with only two or three good skits per show but they have the attraction of the celebrity host and musical guest. Mad TV survived but they had some talented performers; the College Humor group are good writers but acting is definitely not their forte. I wouldn't put it past the College Humor crew to make a hilarious show but this isn't it.

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by SoulHonky at 04:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If the terms "perfectly charming" or "adorably fun" should ever be used (and I'm really questioning whether I should have just typed them) they should be used to describe "He's Just Not That Into You". The film is the epitome of cute even though most of the film is more rejection comedy than romantic comedy. Ginnifer Goodwin is going to have a lot more fans after this one and Kevin Connolly and Bradley Cooper could be able to spin this into a shot at a leading role.

That being said, you pretty much already know whether or not you'll like this movie. If you like rom-coms, you'll like this film. It's one of the better pure romantic comedies (as opposed to the Apatow coming of age stories) to come out in some time. It doesn't, however, transcend the genre and for every couple of laughs, there's a moment that will have ladies breathing "Aaaaw!" and lads belching "Ugh." If you don't like schmaltz, this film is not for you. If you are so-so on rom-coms then I'd recommend renting this; I liked it but there's no reason to make time to go see it in the theater.

It's essentially the XX chromosome version of "Taken". It delivers what its audience desires and makes little-to-no attempt to mask the fact that it's a genre film with a specific audience.

For a more detailed and spoiler-filled reaction to the movie, read on.

OK, first off, what's up with Ben Affleck's teeth. Maybe it's because I can't shake the scene from "Man About Town" in which he gets terrible veneers but his teeth looks screwy and he is almost worryingly gaunt in the film. The Star could use pictures from this film to make up a cancer story about Affleck (or at least a manorexic headline).

That aside, the film is half great, half groan. Part of that was the structure. I'm a big fan of slice of life movies and don't feel the need to always have an overriding story or destination towards which every character moves but those films are hard to pull off. In this case, they weren't able to make it work. In fact, while the first half of the films was fairly "Day in the Life" style, the second half relied on numerous momentous events (the heart attack, the sex in the office, the spurned advance/inability to function in any way, shape, or form, buying the house). The first half of the film watched relationships unfold naturally; the second half showed what happens in contrived situations.

The moment the film switches gears is obvious. When Ginnifer Goodwin's Gigi throws herself at Justin Long's Alex and he turns her down, you could almost hear a record scratch (or in the case of rom-com's, the cliched string/piano music). After that, the film because just another schmaltz fest and, honestly, almost slipped into parody a few times. If, during the second half of the film, you took a shot for every scene scored by soft strings/piano music, you'd probably be into hugging your toilet. 

The second half of the movie also undoes every strength from the first half of the film and, in the end, further strengthens the misguided teachings that it disected in the beginning. The idea that Bradley Cooper is the lying bad guy, Justin Long was a nice guy in hiding, Drew Barrymore's love was right under her nose, Scarlett Johannson is a bimbo, Jennifer Connolly is happy alone, only relationships built on ultimatums fold,  etc. are just as misguided messages as the mom's advice in the opening.

Again, the turn was the moment when Gigi hits on Alex. Up to that point, Alex had been a womanizer. His reaction to a girl jumping on him would not have been to push her away and go off on a monologue about relationships. If anything, he would have banged her and used the monologue the next morning as a reason for her not to call him. And you know what, if he did actually like her, that would have made things all the more interesting since the sex, rejection, and emotions would have been realer AND more dramatic. It would have been messy but if love and relationships are anything, it's messy. Instead, Long pushes her away, turns out to be the exceptional guy who is really a nice person despite all the notches on his headboard. The movie had a chance to be intriguing but instead opted for strings, pianos, and happily ever after.

But of course, that's why the film was made. It wasn't trying to be an honest film about the intricacies of human relationships. It was just a sugary confection designed to make women swoon and it was a definite success at that. I heard more than a handful of gasps and sighs from the ladies in the theater.

When all is said and done, the film is cute enough and had some great moments but it is what it is. It's a very well made film but one that isn't really all that memorable.

Posted by SoulHonky at 07:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by SoulHonky at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1. When The Sun Goes Down - The Arctic Monkeys: A scummy guy, a prostitute, and the chorus "What they say changes when the sun goes down!". Welcome to drinking in Hollywood.

2. Cold Beverage - G. Love & Special Sauce: Quite simply, "I like cold beverages". The song is chipper and hopeful just like most nights start off.

3. I'm A Man - Black Strobe: A kick ass bassline, a brooding low voice proclaiming, "We can have a lot of fun. I'm a Man!" Oh yeah, the buzz is kicking in. The song also goes on longer than it should, kind of like most of the stories I tell.

4. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing): Now that the confidence is high and the speech is slurring it's time to talk to some women. Hit the dance floor, talk to the ladies, but usually get treated like an accused child molester with no nose.

5. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? - Rod Stewart: By this point, things are getting cheesier and cheesier and I become more and more forward. I probably won't be landing Rachel Hunter though.

6. Living Room - Tegan and Sarah: This song is about a girl who spies on her neighbor whom she has a crush on. She wants to know who broke her neighbor's heart so she can avenge the pain (or go over and help ease it). It's an interesting song for a girl but when you think of an older dude singing it... Yeah, the creepshow has officially begun.

7. Untouchable Face - Ani Difranco: "So fuck you... and your untouchable face." Ani perfectly encompasses the pain, anger, embarrassment, remorse, desire, and laughable hope that usually floods over the Creepy Uncle at this point of the evening as he watches the girl of his dream chat up some other dude.

8. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen: Vision. Blurry. Pride. Gone. Standards. What? It's time to throw yourself at big women like you were a queen. But don't try to grab their boobs like a gay guy, the ladies don't like that. Which is kind of fucked up, when you think about it. Who the hell are they to tease? It's at this point of the night when you use the all-time greatest creepy uncle pickup line: "Not a lot of people would say this, and most people wouldn't agree, but I think you're beautiful."

9. Lounge Fly - Stone Temple Pilots: If you are this deep into the evening and can't creep out Andy Dick, you need to do some shots. You're suspect. You also are becoming more and more focused on the end of evening activities (or lack thereof). Or as Scott Weiland puts it, "I want to fuck, I want to fuck, but do you need me?"

10. Jigsaw Falling into Place - Radiohead: Everything that seems to be going well actually isn't. You think you're spitting game but you're actually just spitting in the girl's face as you ramble on about becoming "a blunt instrument or maybe a sawed-off shotgun." On far too many nights, this is a solid description of what's going on in the creepy cabeza.

The walls are bending shape
You got a cheshire cat grin
All blurring into one
This place is on a mission

Before the night owl
Before the animal noises
Closed circuit cameras
Before you comatose

And, of course, there's the line: "Before you run away from me" which is usually what the ladies do.

11. Mean to Me - Tonic: Seriously, what's up with these bitches? No Creepy Honky love?

12. 'Cause Cheap is How I Feel - Cowboy Junkies: Depression sets it. You throw yourself at whatever's available. And I really don't think any verse encapsulate the end of a drunken night better than this:

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Another week or 30 Rock, another very good episode. The show is quickly moving up the list of my favorite comedies this decade which made me think: What are the funniest shows/films of the decade? And what do you know, it happened to be Friday and time for me to babble a bit about a potential subject for people to bring up in case they face a lull in a conversation this weekend.

So, what are my top 10 comedies of the decade?

First, a couple of Honorable Mentions. Little Miss Sunshine was perhaps the best written comedy of the year, with the way it balanced heartfelt emotion, tragedy, and humor. Still, I can't say it's one of the funniest programs of the year. As for Family Guy, I just haven't watched it enough to put it on the list. I should also mention the Simpsons; I don't think I've even watched it this decade so I couldn't add it to the list.

10. The Office (British): I'm sure a lot of people would have this higher but I'm not a huge fan of awkward humor so it doesn't get past #10. It's too funny to leave off. I'm not a fan of the US Office (or at least, not a fan of the episodes I've seen). I don't know. I find most of the characters annoying in a not funny way on that show.

9. Old School: The film that really got the Apatow ball rolling is, not surprisingly, the best of the bunch. I considered putting 40 Year Old Virgin here but I think Old School still edges it out.

8. Curb Your Enthusiasm: Again, the awkward, uncomfortable humor isn't my favorite so this isn't higher but it's too funny to put any lower on the list. The situations that Larry David gets himself into are hilarious and usually surprising. Between this and Seinfeld, David has to considered one of the all-time greats when it comes to sit-coms.

7. Arrested Development: It took me a while to get into it but this is incredibly well-written and the jokes are layered to an extent that you never see on TV. And judging from the shows rating, we probably won't be seeing the likes of it any time soon. You think in the era of cable and multiple reruns that this kind of show would grow in popularity but the problem might have been that it aired on Fox instead of FX. Had it been on the cable station, there's a decent chance that it would still be on the air.

6. 30 Rock: Tina Fey's show is coming VERY close to taking over the #5 spot but the first season was uneven and this year has had some good but not great episodes. Still, it's consistently funny (if not hysterical) and is the funniest show on TV right now. Tracy is hilarious, Tina is a great comedic actress (who'd be an A-list film star if she acted in more projects), and Alec Baldwin seems like he's been possessed by the ghost of Phil Hartman. From top to bottom, a great show.

5. Pineapple Express: Now we have a conversation. I get that I liked this film more than others but I think it is an almost perfect send-up of the modern action movie. If you tuned in to a stoner film, I can see why you thought the final 30 minutes were completely out of the blue but, as an action parody, it fit perfectly. Action films always have a little bit of violence and then some huge gratutious over-the-top finale. And I'm sorry but if Craig Robinson isn't able to completely steal the spotlight then you are probably doing something right. He's a comedic lithmus test.

4. Jackass: The Movie: Really? Yeah. It's basic but good god, I haven't laughed that much in a theater... ever? The film is jam-packed with great material. Jackass 2? Not so much. But the original Jackass movie has to be on my list.

3. South Park: One year stands between #3 and #1. Had the South Park movie come out in 2000 rather than 1999, I'd put the South Park kids at #1. However, since 2000, I just haven't watched South Park as much and while it is funny, I don't think it's as good as the initial seasons. Still, it's one of the funniest shows of the decade so let's not act like the bronze is a diss.

2. Chappelle's Show: Putting Chappelle's Show here is kind of like putting Nirvana over Pearl Jam. It was a short lived high, had some missteps but, in the end, the influence is too much to ignore. People are still quoting this show and if Dave ever came back with a new program, I have no doubt that it would premiere to some ridiculous ratings.

1. Anchorman: Quotables. Rewatchability. Arguably the best utilization of Jack Black's manic energy. This film has it all. This film is probably high on my All-Time funniest list so it definitely gets a spot at the top for this decade.

So what say you? Comedy is subjective so rather than just focusing on what you disagree with, throw up your own lists or suggestions of shows/films I should check out or rewatch to better appreciate them.

Posted by SoulHonky at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So one of the many projects that I have been working on in my spare time (which is all the time since I'm on hiatus) is a reality TV sit-com. I've decided to go against common sense and my own professional well being and post some pages here. This is a registered but rough draft. Who knows, maybe I'll post a few pages or an act every week. It's like a screenwriter's web series. All words, no footage.

I couldn't get scrippets to work so I just have some screen grabs (hence some of the words are underlined. Stupid spell check).

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Inspired by a message board post by Buddy Gilapagos, what if the makers of "Meet the Spartans" and "Date Movie" and that other crap wrote a 2008 recap called "Wedding Movie". Can you predict what it might look like?

- Open with two lovers, played by Jayma Mays (or someone else who looks like Anna Faris) and Kal Penn, having their trip canceled, looks like Four Christmases for them. What? It's only one Christmas?! Their mom and Dad is Madea! Cue Mamma Mia paternity-inspired musical number.

- The girl runs away from boy and get in her car, The Speed Racer. The guy gets in car. Death race ensues. The cars blow up and the boy chases the girl through trainyard. Boy keeps getting run over by trains. Finally he gets to her but a Bollywood dance number breaks out. Boy gets his by train again. Dies. Or does he?

- Years later, the girl is at her wedding. She prepares for the big day. Girl thinks of her bachelorette party featuring Ball-E the sex robot. The new guy in the girl's life (played by Travis Van Winkle or Jason Dohring or some other stereotypical prick) remembers his bachelor party featuring Carmen Electra. She did the Joker's pencil trick... with the groom's butt! She then looked down his pants and calls him Benjamin Buttocks and says that something doesn't seem to be aging at all. Carmen mugs for camera. Maybe even makes a "this small" hand reference to fully explain unfunny joke.

- Bride hears shouting outside. She goes out and sees Harvey Milk and George W. trying to get married. W. explains that he's saying yes to everything, and he means EVERYTHING. They say they rented the location. The Priest said someone canceled their wedding. Bride sneaks away and say that's why they voted against Prop 8. Priest tells Milk "Get off my lawn!" or else. Milk won't so Priest calls the bouncer, one Kung-Fu panda. Hilarious fight ensues. Just when Milk seems like he's about to win, The Wrestler comes out of the crowd and elbow him in the head. The Panda has the upper hand. Milk says "I always like bears on top." Right before the Panda kills Milk, he's shot! A helicopter flies by and Sarah Palin is in it. She hops out and give Milk and W. a dirty look. She's about to shoot Milk but he says, "At least I won't knock up your daughter." Palin decides to spare his life but she turns her anger towards W. She says "If it wasn't for you..." He runs off. Palin shoots but she's out of bullets. She pulls out of a hockey stick and fires a slap shot at George W. She bends the puck around W. and hits him in the groin.

- Bride hustles back to her room and runs into her old flame, he's now a vampire. He tries to win her back. Shows her home movie of them during monster invasion of New York. They defeat monster by battling him in a dance competition. He reminds her of the time they put on masks and tortured their neighbors. They were about to kill them but decided to wager their lives on a dishwasher battle. The now-vampire/old flame is about to win but comes across a glass that makes him break down: it reads "Patriots 19 - 0".

- Bride says she can't leave. Old flame is in a fit of rage and starts attacking people: A mongol, a boy in striped pajamas, the computer from Eagle Eye. Bill Maher is wandering in front of him but Old Flame can't get near him for some reason. Maher says "What good is this for?" and tosses crucifix away. Old flame attacks Maher and sucks his blood.

- The Wedding is about to begin! The bride makes her way down the aisle. She FARTS! Hilarious! Her bride's main is the House Bunny and Rambo in a dress. One of her bridemaid isn't wearing anything below the waist. Her pants then run in front of her. Bridesmaid gives chase muttering, "Damn travelling pants."

- The Groom walks up and sees his bride. The priest steps forward. but he's not a priest, he's a Love Guru. But where's the Priest?

- The Priest is in the bathroom, about to dig something out of the toilet. He closes his eyes and reaches his hand into the shit-colored water. He pulls a young alter boy out. he smiles. Behind him, Meryl Streep yells, "I knew it!"

- Back at the wedding, the Love Guru tells bad jokes. The crowd groans and starts walking out of the wedding but the Bride yells, "I want MY priest back!" The priest kicks the Love Guru in the ground and takes over the wedding. The bride says "I do. Definitely. Maybe. Ok I do." The ring bearer is a chihuahua. The groom thanks the dog. The dog replies, "Whatever, I'm just here to sniff some bridemaid booty!"

- Reception: The Bride throws the bouquet. The Women get into an MMA style match for the flowers. Finally one person wins but the flowers emit a toxin and she babbles, then moonwalks, and finally kills herself. The band is led by Russell Brand's character from Sarah Marshall. Indiana Jones gives the bride a gift of a crystal skull that is making a face like it was just kicked in the groin. The caterer pees in the champagne.

- The vampire ex-boyfriend arrives! He's brought backup. Hellgirl (with whom the groom drunkenly hooked up with once) and Jumper (a basketball player who's afraid of contact), and The Mummy (Madea wrapped up like a Mummy) A fight ensues. Cake gets into people's face, people are hit in the groin, etc. Just when it looks like all could be lost, Harvey Milk rides in and stabs the Twilight boyfriend in the heart. Well, he doesn't. The unicorn he rode in on does. The rest of the villains sense defeat and jump out of the wedding.

- The Bride and Groom head to the ice hotel for their honeymood. Next door, James Bong is smoking the pineapple express with some old Army buddies who offers to suck his dick for just one hit. James relents but just as the buddy is going to light up, Maxwell Fart lets one go. The fart catches fire and burns down the ice hotel. Their dog Marley (in a Bob Marley wig) inhales the fire and exhales nothing but smoke, saving the day. He then pees on the groom, who was trying to put out a fire on his leg. The groom then falls underneath the ice and gets bit by a jellyfish. The bridge tries to save him by peeing on him even more but he dies in her arms. The bride is sad until Carmen Electra comes over and invites her to her Forbiden Kingdom. An alien ship lands and Gort invites the girls in. "You know what they say about robots with big ships." 

- Credit rolls. The credits stop. Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro walk in, collect a paycheck, walk out. Credits resume.

- After credits, cut to Obama in bed with the girl. Farts. She punches him in the groin.

Posted by SoulHonky at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Update from my previous post. I wrote up another 10 pages for the Cowrite contest.

Again, these pages follow the winners pages and need to move the story or characters ahead a bit. I banged out 12 pages last week but I thought they were flawed. Not only did they seem a little too raunchy for the contest but I also had a problem with the second 20 pages ending in a very similar spot as the original ten pages. Sure, what the audience and the main character knew had changed but I wasn't sure that was enough.

So last night and today I threw together another ten pages. These pages are a little more in line with that I think the judges are looking for although I can't say that they are anything that I'm overly proud of. Some decent stuff but I wasn't blown away by the original winning submission so I think this could do just fine.

Posted by SoulHonky at 08:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by SoulHonky at 02:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by SoulHonky at 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How can you not love a band that boasts 30 members? I'm From Barcelona had one of the catchiest debut albums in recent memory and I'm just getting around to checking out their second album "Who Killed Harry Houdini?" While Mama Mia! kept ABBA as Sweden's #1 entertainment import, perhaps this band could carve out a little niche for themselves in the global landscape.

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

While the calendar claimed that the New Year started a month ago, I think everyone knows that the new year doesn't start until after football season aka the Super Bowl. (Really, who cares about the Pro Bowl?). Also, how many people actually come off of Christmas and New Years in the mood for exercising, being a better person, or whatever their Resolutions are?

So Happy New Year! Here are a few special dates for the upcoming month.

Feb 2nd: Groundhog Day. Lame holiday, great movie.

Feb 3rd: Barrack Obama makes a startling announcement when he proclaims, "February is now White History Month because that's what you crackers are, HISTORY!"

Feb 5th: National Weatherman's Day. There's a 20% chance that people will remember this and a possibility that nobody really cares.

Feb 6th: Fanboys everywhere finally get to see their long-awaited dream, the film "Fanboys."

Feb 7th: Harvey Weinstein says, "I told you so."

Feb 10th: New albums from Mos Def and Lily Allen. Despite two lifetimes spent fighting for truth, today will not mark the end of hip hop being considered a bad influence while little white girls are just harmlessly precocious.

Feb 11th: Sarah Palin's birthday. Talk show hosts use the day to use all of the Palin jokes that they weren't able to get out during the campaign.

Feb 13th: The NBA kicks off its season with All-Star Weekend. What? There's been half a season played already? Well of course but let's be honest, the casual fan (aka 80% of NBA fans) doesn't start paying attention to hoops until the run for the playoffs really begins. If you aren't interested in hoops, Joss Whedon's latest (and likely soon-to-be-cancelled) show "Dollhouse" premieres on Fox.

Feb 14th: Watch as your coupled up co-workers get flowers or presents and talk about their big plans for the evening. Go home and watch "Love Actually" for the umpteenth time and tell yourself "It's only a movie, It's only a movie, it's only a movie...". If you're a guy, forget to buy your girl something but prepare a heart-warming speech to ensure Valentine's Day Make Up sex.

Feb 15th: Cheapskates can start looking for girlfriends now that they won't have to but them anything for Valentine's Day.

Feb 16th: President's Day or Let's All Be Grumpy Because We Don't Have Today Off From Work Day.

Feb 22nd: Find out which movies most of America didn't see were the best of 2008! Check out the fashion, the drama, Hugh Jackman singing and dancing. Find out who was able to twist the most arms and run the best campaign to get elected Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Fluffer. Or just go see Fired Up or Madea Goes to Jail and ignore Hollywood's multi-million dollar pat of itself on the back.

Feb 23rd: Dakota Fanning's Birthday! Calm down perverts, she's still only 15.

Feb 28th: Look back at the month and rationalize that the four times you went to the gym should be enough to satisfy your resolution to start working out. Order Dominos pizze and chicken kickers (and, hell, get the garlic sticks too. You earned it).

Any other days I missed?

Posted by SoulHonky at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)